


Appearances

by ricarocker



Category: Fall Out Boy, Panic! at the Disco, Twenty One Pilots
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe - High School, Because I love my little Beebo, Brendon is a main character, Drug Use, F/M, I don't know why i did this to my boys, I have no idea how to use tags, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Physical Abuse, Teen Angst, Trigger Warnings, Underage Drinking, Verbal Abuse, WIP, i will tag as i go, just pot, reposted
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2018-10-07 16:21:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 7
Words: 24,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10364592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ricarocker/pseuds/ricarocker
Summary: Tyler knew what he had to do to keep his father happy. He needed to play basketball. he needed to keep good grades, he needed to date a pretty girl that his father would approve of. But when his english teacher tells him his grade has dropped and the only way to pass is to make an A on some stupid book report, he has to enlist the help of someone else.The one and only Josh Dun, the school's #1 social paria.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I had posted this story a few months ago and found a few flaws in my story. So I have most of it rewritten with the plot holes and pacing problems fixed, now if you have read this story before I took it down there is some small thing that will change in the timeline of this story.
> 
> Also, I'm not finished with this quite yet, so since I have about 6 chapters finished already I'm going to post once every 2 weeks to stay ahead of everything. I also work a 60 hour a week job right now and this story has been a great way to decompress for me. so if things get slow later on just know I'm still working on it and it hasn't been forgotten.
> 
> I hope you enjoy sweeties.

"Ah, what a beautiful day to get stoned," Brendon laughed as he briskly lead the way to their normal smoking spot inside the old gym. The place was still kept clean and working, it was never used, and since it was always locked, no one ever went there. Brendon, of course not wanting to miss this golden opportunity, stole a key from one of the janitors. making this the ultimate place for Brendon to hid and get high after school.   
  
"Brendon, everyday is a beautiful day to get stoned to you," Josh chuckled, receiving a punch in the arm from an offended Urie.   
  
"Not true! I know plenty of ugly days that are great for it!" Brendon said and then started to explain different days that were ugly. Josh tuned him out at times like this, keeping track of what Urie was saying was near impossible on the best days.   
  
Josh tilted his head up closing his eyes and inhaling the fresh air then releasing it slowly, trying to expel the stress from his shoulders. Even if Brendon made Josh want to murder him occasionally, it was nice to have him around. 

  
Brendon suddenly turned to Josh, snapping him out of his thoughts, expecting a reply to whatever rant he just got done with,   
  
"Totally." Josh said, hoping it was the right thing to say, not wanting too upset Brendon and cause another rant.   
  
"I know, right?" Brendon said enthusiastically with a smile, Josh sighed as they made it to the gym doors and Brendon unlocked them quickly, slipping inside with Josh close behind. They always feared that if they turned on all the lights in the gym, someone might notice, so they always went to the bathroom where know one would know they were there. Bren walked through the darkness gracefully, knowing the path well.   
  
Josh, lacking Brendon's grace, made his way to the bathroom after him. Brendon flicked on the lights as Josh slid down the wall to where he always sat and waited for Brendon to sit in front of him.   
  
"Hopefully this is better shit than last time," Brendon smiled, pulling out a pouch containing a glass pipe, a sandwich bag with about 1/4 ounce of weed.   
  
"Agreed. That was horrible," Josh said, tapping his fingers on his legs anxiously, trying his best not to fidget too much while Brendon got things ready.   
  
"You look like you could use the first hit more then me," Brendon held out the lighter and filled pipe to Josh. He took them out of Brendon's hand and quickly lit up and inhaled. He held the smoke in for as long as possible before releasing it slowly,    
  
"It's really smooth," he said, eyes closed. After one more hit, he handed back to Brendon.   
  
"It looks like I'm not the only one who really need a good smoke break,” This time was for him and Bren to relax and forget about the bad things in their life, so Josh tried his best to turn his mind off and let the herb work it’s magic.   
  
After about 20 minutes, both Josh and Brendon were pretty out of it. Brendon had moved so his head was laying on Josh's thigh and the rest of his body was splayed on the floor. Neither of them were talking, just opting to relax. Josh sighed contently; they might only get the chance to do this once or twice a week, but it was worth the wait.   
  
Josh started to get confused when he heard the doors to the gym being opened. Did they invite someone else?   
  
"Bren, is anyone else coming?" Josh asked.   
  
"Nope, just you," he said, not even lifting his head to respond. Josh's mind finally started working and he jumped up and quickly turned the light off. Brendon started to speak,   
  
"The hell, Dun?! I just about cracked my skull op-" Josh put his hand over Brendon's mouth.   
  
"Someone is here," he whispered.   
  
Both of them sat in silence when the started to hear the dribbling of a ball and the screech of a single pair of shoes on the gym floor. Josh felt his stomach tie itself in knots.   
  
"You do hear that right?" Josh asked quietly, making sure that there wasn't just something in the weed.   
  
"No, I hear it," Brendon whispered back, "The fuck? I locked the door when we came in, how did he get in?"   
  
Josh shrugged his shoulders, "No idea," he said, unsure of what to do, before going off his instinct, "I'm going to go see who it is," he whispered, getting up.   
  
"No way," Bren grabbed his arm, "You don't know who that might be." His voice was tight and worried. Josh nodded, knowing he was much more hated than Brendon and things were much less likely to turn violent if Bren went.   
  
Brendon lifted himself off the ground and left. After a few minutes Josh couldn't stand not knowing what was going on outside and slowly moved to opened the door. He was almost blinded by the transition from the pitch black bathroom to the harsh light of the gym floor. His eyes adjusted quickly and he searched to find where the intruder was. On the far side of the gym, Josh saw a boy talking to Brendon, but they were too far away for Josh to hear what they were saying. The guy seem to notice him and then say something to Brendon, who too looked back at him. Josh couldn't read the odd expression on Brendon's face, but he knew it was out of his character to look so serious. Josh sized up the guy quickly, realizing Brendon wouldn't stand a chance if he pissed him off. Against his better judgement, he left the safety of the bathroom and walked towards the two silently.   
  
Josh squared his shoulders and tried to look as intimidating as possible. He knew his appearance scared most people off, hopefully it worked now.   
  
"We're leaving, Josh." Brendon said the moment he knew Josh was in earshot.   
  
"Wait!" The boy shouted as they started to leave. Josh turned to looked at his face; he was looking at him with an incredibly bewildered expression, "I just needed some help on a pa-"   
  
"I said he doesn't want to help you, Josh has better things to do than do some meatheads homework," Brendon spat, sounding angrier then he was expecting. Josh was a taken aback by it, not use to seeing anger on his friend   
  
"Mr. Wentz told me you wrote a really good report on this play last year and I should ask you for help," he said quickly, ignoring Brendon's dirty look. Josh didn't say anything; if Brendon didn't like him, he probably had a reason. Josh stayed silent, giving the boy a dirty look as a good enough answer.   
  
"I need this to play," He said as if that explained everything. When Brendon turned to leave the boy started to panic.   
  
"I'll tell the coach," It almost sounds like a question; he looked surprised, as if he wasn’t expecting himself to say what he said.   
  
"What?" Josh said breaking his silence in disbelief.   
  
"I'll go tell the coach you two were smoking weed in the bathroom and have you suspended," His voice was much more confident now. Of course they probably reek of pot by this point.   
  
"You fucking asshole!" Brendon yelled and Josh grabbed him before he attacked. Brendon couldn't get in trouble again, there was a good chance he'd get expelled.   
  
"Brendon, chill out!" Josh angrily pleaded at Bren, "Just let me take care of this!" Even though Brendon looked like he was about to kill the boy, he stopped struggling against Josh. Once he saw Brendon wouldn't attack he turn back to the incredibly surprised looking boy.   
  
"I'll do it, just don't tell anyone,"   
  
***   
  
Josh sat cross legged on the bed as Brendon stomped back and forth across his room,   
  
"That bastard has some fucking nerve! I'm going to kick his fucking ass!" Brendon yelled.   
  
"It's not that bad Bren," Josh sighed, it could really be worse. Tyler, Brendon told him the boy's name earlier, could have gone and told the coach and they would be screwed. But he didn't.   
  
"He just needs some help with a paper, it's not the end of the world," Josh kept his voice even, trying to let his calmness rub off on Brendon.   
  
"I don't understand how you're so calm about this Josh! He fucking threatened us!" Brendon ran his hands through his hair anxiously.   
  
"I don't think he meant harm, you didn't exactly give him a chance. If Mr. Wentz sent him then he can't be that bad. Maybe he's actually nice," Josh said, the last part hopeful.   
  
"Yeah, like you can tell if someone is nice or not," Josh looked away, he knew he was a terrible judge of character, his past had been a very obvious example of that. But Brendon knew this was a very touche subject for Josh and was using it against him.   
  
Brendon huffed, letting his anger seeping away, then turned to Josh,   
  
"Just," He stopped to look for the right words, "don’t do anything stupid, okay?" He muttered quietly.   
  
Josh pressed his lips together in thought before replying,   
  
"I promise nothing will happen,"

***

Tyler laid on his bed that night unable to sleep, mindlessly plucking the ukulele settled on his chest, lost deep in his thoughts. His day had certainly been... Interesting. When Tyler started going to public school a few months ago, he hadn't expected this. This was a mess.

He had been called into principal's office right after school that day and was told if he wasn't passing his english class by the end of the semester he didn't play basketball. Tyler had to play, his father would be pissed if he didn't and Tyler really didn't want that. His Father was actually happy with him for a chance and not-

Tyler snapped the rubber band on his wrist before the thought process could go any further, for some reason the slight pain helped him think correctly. Bad thought are not aloud, that's when he got stupid.

He knew he had to find a way to pass the stupid class. So when Tyler went to his english teacher, Mr. Wents, he begged for extra credit until he was finally so fed up with him he gave him an assignment. 10 page essay on some stupid book. Tyler didn't even know where to start with this thing. So when he said there was someone who would help him, who wrote the best report last year, Tyler knew he need to find this kid.

Josh was definitely not what he was expecting. Tyler was expecting some scrawny nerd who would be more then happy to help, but Josh looked like the kinda guy you don't mess with. The tattoos, piercings, even his body language just screamed 'don't mess with me'. But even knowing all of this he still have the nerve to challenge him. Tyler had no idea why he thought it was a good idea to threatened the two, he was quite sure that Brendon kid would have kicked his ass if Josh had not stopped him. Thinking back on it now, Tyler was surprised Josh didn't.

***

Tyler spent the next day completely exhausted, which wasn't too surprising considering he spent most of the night worrying whether he could actually do this assignment.

"Hey Tyler," a smooth, familiar voice said and a soft hand slipped into his. Tyler stiffened at the contact, but he forced himself to calm down and smiled at her.

"Hey Jenna," tyler said, just loud enough for her to hear, not really in the mood to put on a show for the other students walking by.

"What's wrong babe?" Jenna frowned and pulled him so he was looking at her.

"Nothing, just thinking a little too much," Tyler gave her the best smile he could muster. Of course she fell for it.

"So what do you say you ask to use that gym again and we go have some fun? You don't have practice today," she said, raising an eyebrow suggestively. When Jenna first asked Tyler out, he thought since she was super religious, she would probably be pretty calm. What he wasn't expecting was for her to completely jump him after their first date. He wasn't by any means going to complain, she was always around and saying how much she liked him and if was nice to have someone around all the time. But, it was like she kept him for special appearances, sex, and to tell people she had a boyfriend, not because she actually cared. It just made him feel a little used.

"I really need to go to the library and work on some extra credit. I got that Josh Dun guy to help me with it," Tyler said. Her jaw dropped to the floor.

"Tyler, why are you even going near him?" Jenna said, looking completely astonished.

"I was told he was wrote a really good paper last year," he trailed off, not sure of what to say. 

"He's a horrible person, no one should every even go near him if they know what’s good for them," Jenna's voice was filled with loathing and her face held something Tyler had never seen on her face before. Sure, Josh looked like a scary rebel who liked to raise hell, but he didn't think the guy was that bad. What did Josh do to get Jenna so angry?

"I really need help with this assignment, and Mr. Wentz. said he was the best to talk to," Tyler mumbled quickly, knowing he needed Josh to help him. Jenna's face changed from hate to desperate.

"He's going to-" she stopped for a moment to search for the right words, "he's just not a good person Tyler, he's proved he is nothing but trouble time and time again," she paused, "I just don't want you to get hurt, baby," she brought up her had to rub his cheek, her eyes were filled with concern. Tyler gave her a smile and tried his best not to pull away from her.

"I won't do it if you're that worried about it,"

***

Tyler stared at Josh blankly as he tried to explain how the author of the book was trying to achieve writing this.. He had ignored Jenna's warning and told Josh to meet him in one of the empty classroom on the far side of campus. He'd hoped no one would find them here, he really didn't want Jenna mad at him, or disappointed. His father really liked Jenna, and as long as he was happy, Tyler was happy.

"Tyler, do you understand?" Josh asked, genuinely concerned of whether he was understanding the information. Tyler snapped out of his thoughts and looked up at Josh for a minute, trying to understand the blue haired boy. He couldn't think of another person that would be doing this after what he had pulled.

"Why are you helping me?" Tyler blurted out. He was so lost. Josh could have just threatened him back and said if Tyler told anyone about the smoking he'd kill him, that certainty was Brendon's plan. But instead Josh was sitting here, helping him.

Josh narrowed his eyes in confusion, "you look like you really need help on this, and you did kinda say you would get me and Brendon suspended," Josh said a bit nervously, but his voice held no malice or anger like Tyler was expecting. Now he was even more lost. But he couldn't stop himself from wanting to know more, Tyler had never seen anyone like the boy in front of him. Being homeschooled most of your life doesn't really let you met a whole lot of different kinds of people and Josh seemed like one of a kind.

"Yeah, sorry about that. I'm not quite sure why I did that," Tyler mumbled and rubbed the back of his neck.

"It's fine, you looked pretty desperate, and as long as you don't tell anyone we're good," Josh gave a half smile and Tyler joined him.

"I'm really glad Mr. Wentz gave me your name so I didn't have to do this alone. I really don't even know where to start on this," Tyler said truthfully, eyes looking over the assignment.

"I didn't either, but he gave us more time in my class to figure it out, does he still play rock music while you guys are working?" Josh asked, forgetting the task at hand.

“Yes, and it is the most distracting thing ever! I can never focus when it’s on!” Tyler groaned, it was probably one of the reasons Tyler was failing the class.

“No body can,” josh laughed quietly. Tyler was loving this, Josh’s laugh was one of the purest things he’d ever heard and he wanted nothing more than to see him do it again.

"You know, you're a lot nicer then I thought you'd be, I'm not sure why I was so worried about this" Tyler light heartedly said, he seemed like a nice guy, maybe Tyler just misjudged him and Jenna was just mixed up with her information. Tyler stopped his thoughts in their tracks when Josh's face changed, his soft smile dropped face suddenly darker, angrier. It was almost like Tyler flipped a switch from happy to pissed.

"You don't know anything about me," His voice was tight and his body looked like it was posed to strike, "you think in the last hour of being here you know what I'm like?" Tyler's eyes widened, searching Josh’s face for what had gone wrong.

"I-I didn't mean to upset you," Tyler tried to back pettel. He wasn't quite sure what he had done, but he really didn't want Josh to be upset, though he wasn't quite sure why, "let's just get back to work," he tried to change the subject back to his work. Josh gave a small, annoyed, laugh that made Tyler's stomach tie itself in knots.

"No, I think I'm done with being near you for today. If I'm here much longer I'm afraid your stupidity might start rubbing off on me," Josh leaned over to his bag and grabbed some books and papers out of it, all but throwing them at Tyler "read the books, read my report, text me if you have questions," and with that he left the room. Leaving Tyler gaping at the empty desk.  
What just happened?

Tyler sat there, fiddling with the band around his wrist, replaying the whole thing over and over again in his head, trying to find out what he had done wrong. Whatever he did obviously upset Josh, he went from relaxed to angry within seconds, which seem out of character. Josh did say he knew nothing about him, but still. Did he want Tyler to think he was not a nice person? Or that he should be worried about being near him? Tyler couldn't even tell whether the words Josh had said were true or not. Whether Josh was actually upset over the simple words or whether he believed what he told Tyler. Did Josh believe he was an idiot? Not that Tyler cared what he thought, he just needed to know.

Above all of this, the one thing that stuck in Tyler's mind the most was his soft looking brown eyes that changed so quickly. Something about that look they had was so familiar, Tyler knew he'd seen the look so many times, but from where was buried deep in his mind. All he knows is those eyes held the answer. The answer to understanding Josh Dun.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has some heavy triggering content, so if you are triggered by verbal or physical abuse do not read this. This story will contain a good deal of heavy content and I don't want anyone getting hurt. Please read all tags before continuing.
> 
> Anyway, this chapter is a bit longer then most of them will be, so don't get use to it too much.
> 
> Enjoy my Lovies.

"I was thinking too much," Josh sat back on the bed, Brendon knew that Josh was upset, it’s not like it was that hard to tell, he had known Josh long enough to know he wasn’t okay. Josh found that drumming always helped calm him down and get his thoughts out of his head. Usually he would play until the thoughts went away completely and his body was relaxed, but this time he'd played so hard his hands started to bleed. Of course this was not the first time this had happened and it probably was not the last. Luckily Josh had been stopped by Brendon before he got blood all over the drums, he was pretty sure the music store would stop letting him use the drum sets if stained them red, no matter how much they liked him.

Brendon emerged from under the bed with the first aid kit, "this wouldn’t have anything to do with the meeting with Tyler, now would it?" he said Tyler’s name with venom in his voice and started to clean Josh's hands gently, trying not to hurt him more than he already was. Though Josh’s hand were numb and he didn't even really feel any of the pain. Brendon had learned how to read Josh incredibly well, even though they’ve only known each other for about 8 months. They have been living together the whole time though, so it probably wasn’t that unreasonable.

Josh huffed out a sigh "we were about an hour into our work session and everything was going great, then he said I was nicer than he thought I'd be. Then I told him that he was stupid and i didn’t want to be near him. He was simply being nice, and I was just a total jerk to him. But, I don't know, it just scared me when he said that. It’s not like he’s given me any reason not to trust him, I didn’t even give him a chance," Josh bit his lip and looked to the window, watching the dark sky. Tyler seemed like a really nice guy, not one who deserved Josh’s anger.

"You have all the reason in the world not to trust what he says. From what I've seen of him, he's an ass hole," Brendon looked up from his work on Josh's hands, "so why give him a chance?" He quirked an eyebrow, waiting for an answer.

Josh was at a loss. If he had learned anything from past experience, it would be to stay as far away from guys like Tyler. The ones who think the only way to live revolved around a ball. The ones who will do anything to stay on the good side or their peers and will stop at nothing to make their parents proud. The ones that will inevitably use you and throw you away like nothing. He obviously didn't know much about Josh or he wouldn't have come himfor help. Most of the basketball team were not the biggest Josh Dun fans and for good reason. He was sure once Tyler knew about what he did last year he'd never come near him or he would try to make his life miserable, like the rest of the boys on the team did. But, maybe there was that microscopic chance that Tyler was actually a good person.

No. Josh scolded himself that's the thinking that gets you hurt. You know you're going to keep getting hurt if you don't stop being so trusting.

"You're right. Guys like him don't deserve chances. I'll help just enough to pass him then I'll never talk to him again," And Josh intended to keep his word at all costs. Brendon finished taping Josh's poor abused hands and looked up to Josh looking satisfied and moved to the next order of business. Brendon never liked to stay on sensitive subjects for long, too depressing for him. Josh was pretty thankful Brendon never pushed too hard on touchè subjects. He's a much bigger fan of getting rid of bad feeling by losing them in the body of someone else then talking them out. Brendon knew it wasn’t exactly the healthiest thing to do, but it worked better than anything else he’d tried.

"So, I'm going to my friend Spencer's party tomorrow, you should come. And If your hands are any indication, you need to get drunk and relax," Brendon smiled widely, "and get laid," one of his hands started moving up on Josh's thigh playfully and Josh swatted it away.

"Nah man. Unlike you, I don't have random sex with anything with two legs," he laughed softly at Brendon as he fell back on the floor gripping his chest like he had been mortality wounded. Dramatic bastard.

Brendon was always at some kind of party during the weekends. He had friends that had graduated a few years ago that would throw large college parties all the time. Josh was not the biggest fan of these parties, all that would happen was Brendon would buy his weed for the week, get drunk and sleep with some stranger he never talk to again. Brendon was the kinda person that his father told him that was not savable and would forever be damned to burn in the eternal hell fire, but Josh knew Brendon was one of the nicest people he’d ever met, even with his out of school activities. Regardless of this, Josh was never a big fan of parties, he’d much rather drink and smoke with a few chill people, then maybe watch movies and talk. Brendon’s parties were nothing but loud music, way too much alcohol, and random sex.

But, even though he hated all of it, Josh hated the idea of Brendon getting hurt without him there with him even more.

“Yeah, sounds like fun to me,” Josh gave a weak smile before excusing himself from the room to go shower and go to sleep. He needed time to think without anyone there.

…

Tyler sat at the lunch table with the dreaded book in hand as he waited for lunch to start. It had been three days since his meet up with Josh and Tyler’s curiosity about the boy was starting to eat him alive.

Why was Josh the way he was? Why did Jenna hate him? Why did people move away from him when he sat down somewhere? Why did no one talk about it? Who is that Brendon guy he was with? Why was Brendon so angry when Tyler had asked for Josh’s help?

So many questions and no answers.

Ugh his mind had gotten off topic again, he was hardly though the first chapter of the book because he couldn't get his mind to stop thinking about frickin Josh Dun.

“Hey man, you look like a total nerd, what's with the book?,” Tyler looked up to see Travis Hawthorne take the seat across from him.

Tyler had never been a big fan of Travis, he had the ability to see every flaw about you and find a way to make you feel like crap about it. luckily he liked Tyler for some reason so it never really happened to him. But that also means he has front row seats to when Travis unleashed this on people he felt were inferior to him. It always made Tyler a bit queasy.

“you know, just trying to pass my classes so I can keep saving your ass on the court,” Tyler plastered on a joking grin and prepared himself for the coming lunch period. Most of the guys were kinda okay by themselves, but when the got together they became aggressive, everyone trying to one up the other or prove they were stronger by putting others down. Tyler hated it with every fiber of his body, but being on the end that was doing the attacking was better than being the one attacked. The boys didn’t get physical very often, knowing they would get in trouble; most of the attacks were threats or just messing with them. Regardless Tyler thought it was barbaric.

No matter what Tyler did he knew he couldn’t change anything, so he gritted his teeth and tried his best not to get involved and tried to look as if he was just as aggressive.

“Shut up ass hole, we weren’t all spending 8 hours a day for the last 4 years practicing,” Travis punched his arm to show he was kidding. Tyler fought the urge to roll his eyes.

“You’re just jealous i’m better then you,” Tyler closed the boring book and put it in his bag before anyone got any stupid ideas, he'd seen the group steal books and destroy them just for fun.

“What i’m jealous about is that hot piece of ass you're dating,” Travis snorted, watching as Jenna walked into the lunchroom looking for her friends. She never sat with Tyler because Tyler needed his “bro time” with his teammates. He’d much rather be in her company than his “bro’s” anyday.

“I’m pretty sure your girlfriend would be quite offended,” Tyler supplied, Travis had cheated on his girlfriend several times and the girlfriend had no idea. Tyler had met Ashley once, she was a freshman at the local college and one of the sweetest girls Tyler had ever met. It made Tyler feel bad every time he thought about how she would react if she knew how much of a scumbag her boyfriend was. He never told her about it because he didn't want Travis's wrath

“Actually, she invited you and me to a party this Friday night. She said it probably would be a good idea if i brought someone I knew, plus you look like you could relax a little,” Travis stated, not really asking if Tyler wanted to go, just assuming.

“Sounds like fun,” Tyler knew he was going to regret going to this stupid party, but after all the shit that was going on lately maybe a few drinks wouldn’t hurt anything. If anything happened he would be with Travis and Ashley and be okay. Tyler wouldn’t mind hanging out with Ashley again anyway.

“Just text me the times and I’ll meet you at your house,” maybe this was just the thing Tyler needed to forget about this whole Josh thing.

…

“Get outside now!” tyler was startled awake by a basketball being thrown at him in his bed, “you've been slacking! You will never be anything if you don’t practice!” oh god not again.

“Dad, I practiced today, I promise,” he looked over at his clock. 3:34 am, “It’s too late to practice anyway, if you want i can practice extra tomorrow,” he knew his father wouldn’t remember this conversation tomorrow anyway. Plus, Tyler really needed to sleep tonight, he had a test in his english class in the morning and he needed rest.

“Don’t back talk me boy,” he growled, then grabbed Tyler’s wrist, “let’s go, now!” he pulled Tyler out of bed and dragged him through the house. Tyler ignored the pain coming from his wrist and tried his best to follow. His father dragged him into the backyard and pushed him into the driveway, where the basketball hoop sat waiting.

Tyler grabbed one of the basketballs out of the garage and started to shoot hoops the best his groggy body could while his father yelled critiques at him from his lawn chair. After Tyler missed an easy shot a bottle came flying and shattered on his shoulder. He couldn't help the small Yelp that came out. His father of Course yelled at him for being a pussy.

It was at times like this Tyler was happy they didn’t have neighbors.

It was 4:45 before his father finally passed out and Tyler sneaked back inside.

“Tyler, what’s wrong?” Jenna whispered across Tyler’s lips, pulling Tyler back into reality. He had been making out with Jenna when his mind had wandered back to last night, so he wasn’t really into what they were doing. Jenna apparently noticed. shit.

“Just worried about how i did on my english test is all. I really need to pass all my classes,” he lied easily. She really didn’t need to know about last night, his father was actually a good man, he knew Tyler deserved everything he got. The key to success is dedication, and his father made sure he had that.

“You’re thinking of a test while you have me right in front of you?” she kissed his lips again, “now that’s something only an idiot would do,”

Tyler tried to not let her words hurt, she didn’t mean to offend him, but they always did.

“Sorry, i didn’t mean to upset you,” Jenna soothed and pulled him into a hug. Tyler tried his best not to feel uncomfortable in her embrace, but he always did, “is there anything else bothering you?” she pulled back and looked him in the eyes, he looked away and pressed his lips. There was something else that had really been bothering him, specifically something with blue hair and honey eyes. Ever since Tyler had met Josh he was the only thing that he could think about. Everything that surrounded him intrigued Tyler to no end. And Jenna knew him, a least she might be able to give him some insight.

“What did Josh do for you to hate him so much?” the words fell out of Tyler’s mouth before he could stop himself, well... he could have phased that a little better. She bristled as the mention of his name.

“Why do you want to know about him?” the change in her whole demeanor was instant.

“I Just want to know what happened that you hate him, just have an understanding, because i have a feeling a lot of other people don’t like him too,” he admitted, maybe she wouldn’t be too angry. She had a look of distaste but sighed.

“Yeah, most of us realized what kind of person he was. His father is the pastor at my church and me and Josh grew up together. His parents gave him all the love a child could ever want, but he turned around and disgraced and disowned them, like they were nothing. Even more he tried to turn one of his best friends away from god,” her face looked sad as she continued to talk, “Andrew didn’t deserve what Josh tried to do to him. He tried to force Andrew to be someone like him,”

“Someone like him?” Tyler looked down at her confused.

“Gay,” the word was said with the utmost amount of disgust on her face, “and he refuses to get help for it,”

Tyler stares at her trying to take all the information in. Josh was gay? Tyler had never met anyone that was gay before, he’d never even seen one. Josh really didn’t fit the image of what a gay guy looked like in his head, and he tried to turn someone else? Josh looked a bit like a rebel, but he didn’t exactly look like he was capable of forcing someone to do anything, let alone ruin their entire life.

“You have to leave and get to practice,” Jenna broke him out of his thoughts, her voice still had a hint of dislike in it. “and i have to go to a student council meeting,” then she left, leaving Tyler completely alone in the hallway with his thoughts.

…

Josh tried to ignore Brendon the best he could while they drove to the party. As much as Josh loved Brendon, if he had to hear about how to pick up a guy anymore Josh might just crash the car into the nearest tree.

“Brendon I’m not really ready to start sleeping around,” Josh mumbled, and he never would be, but maybe Brendon would stop trying to ‘get him laid’.

“Jishwaaaa there is no better way to relieve stress then to get drunk and sleep with someone, hell you don’t even have to sleep with them! Just get yourself a nice blowjob!” Brendon really didn’t understand why Josh didn’t sleep around after everything that happened last year. If it had been him, Josh was sure he’d sleep around even more than he did already, which is pretty hard to do.

“The most i’m doing tonight is getting high, I won’t be drinking or having sex of any kind, deal with it,” Josh gave him a serious look to tell him he wasn’t joking and Bren pouted.

“You really don’t know what you missing,” Josh sighed, he always wondered what had happened to Brendon that none of his relationships lasted longer than a night and anyone who showed any interest in him was turned down immediately without a second thought. When people get too close you get hurt, Josh and Brendon both agreed on that. Josh was not sure why Brendon had trusted him so quickly, like who invites a person to live with them on the second day of knowing them? Especially someone with trust issues the size of Brendon’s.

After what felt like an eternity they made it to their destination. The party was being held in a large white house in the middle of a large field, no neighbors for miles around. The well kept lawn had trash already sprinkled around and people standing around getting drunk and stupid. All the lights were on and you could see people dancing to loud music inside.

Josh really didn’t want to be here. Since he had changed his appearance and how he held himself, everyone thought he was a ‘bad boy’ and thought he’d want to sleep any cute girl that passed him and get into fights. He couldn’t count how many girls had come up to him claiming they were ‘bad girls’ and they could handle him. Usually they left after he told them he was gay, but a few said they didn’t care or that he just hadn’t found the right girl. Ha. if it was that easy to become straight Josh would have done it years ago, it would have made his life so much simpler.

They made their way inside and Brendon made a beeline for where ever the drinks were and dragged Josh along with him.

“You know you don't have to look like someone just killed your dog, cheer up my good man!” Brendon yelled over the music into Josh's ear. He just gave a forced smile back and tried not to make eye contact with anyone in the room. They made it to the kitchen and Brendon grabs an unopened beer from the counter, then hands a can of coke to Josh, “your such an old man,” he grinned at Josh.

As the night continued, Josh watch Brendon as he did his thing. He even went with Brendon to buy this week’s weed, doing his job of looking intimidating and making sure the guy didn’t give him a bad deal, mostly because Bren was already pretty far gone. When he found the guy he planned to sleep with tonight is when Josh decided to wander around and do his own thing, he never really wanted to get to know any of the people Brendon slept with. Josh knew Brendon could take care of himself from there.

Josh grabbed another coke from the kitchen and went outside to sit on the, much quieter, porch. He cracked open the can and looked up to the stars. Josh found that this place wasn’t just a good party location, but it had an amazing view of the stars. He could probably watch the stars out here for hours and never bore of them.

“Hey there stranger!” an enthusiastic voice came from behind him right before a body draped itself on top of Josh.

Josh instantly moved out the way and he heard the body hit the porch, he turned to see a very drunk Tyler. “Tyler? What the hell are you doing here?” Josh was so confused on why the Brunette was here. For the most part, Brendon was the only high schooler invited to these parties, which is the main reason Josh ever agreed to come to these stupid things. How did Tyler end up here?

“I’m enjoying the beautiful life god gave to me,” Tyler happily said, flipping his body so he was face up on the porch and looking up at Josh with the stupidest smile Josh had ever seen.

“Yes, i’m sure god would be very happy you’re using it to drink yourself stupid,” Josh said with an irritated smile, trying to keep his sarcasm to a minimum, “Who invited you? How did you know this was happening?” Josh didn't mean to sound like an ass or anything like that, he really wanted to know why he was here. This wasn't exactly a place you come across by accident. Plus, he really wanted to know if anyone else from school was here so he could grab Brendon and get the hell out of here before they knew he and Bren were here. Though you always know when Brendon is at a party.

“My friend Travis is dating a college girl and she invited him. He didn’t want to only know her and be embarrassed, so he brought me” Tyler giggled, “Which is stupid because we don’t really know each other either!” he started laughing like it was the funniest joke he’d ever heard, Josh however just rubbed his face in annoyance, this night was becoming more of a hassle than a “relaxing” experience. Josh was not exactly on Travis’s good side. Luckily he wouldn’t do anything without at least 2 other guys with him, and at this point, he really didn’t think the drunk brunette would be any help in that department.

“So it’s just you and him from our school?” Josh kneeled down to be on the same level as Tyler.

“Yup,” he said, popping the P at the end. Then, as if he just remembered something, he scrambled to get on his hands and knees so he was face to face with Josh, “I saw Brendon here too and thought you might be here too, so I came looking! And I found you!” Tyler smiled from ear to ear, looking far too excited for Josh’s liking. But even if Josh didn’t trust the boy, he did have to admit, Tyler was incredibly adorable. Like an overactive puppy.

“Well, you found me,” Josh laughed awkwardly. Why exactly was he looking for Josh? The last time they saw each other he had made sure Tyler knew he didn’t want him anywhere near him. Tyler’s arm gave out while Josh was thinking and he toppled sideways. This poor kid was lucky he could form coherent sentences with how drunk he was, “how about we go find Travis and we let him take care of you, hm?” he stood, as much “fun” as Josh was having watching him be stupid, he knew Travis was probably looking for him.

“Noooooo,” Tyler whined and grasped Josh’s pant leg, “you don’t understand, he left with Ali and left me here and i’m all lonely like,” No, this shit was not happening, “don’t leave me Joshie,” Tyler puffed out his lower lip and looked up at him with the saddest doe eye’s he’d ever seen.

Fuck.

“Come on Joshie, come lay with me,” Tyler held his hand out to Josh. Josh reluctantly laid on the porch beside him, he’d learned just to go along with with people when they’re like this; better then watching them get really upset over small shit.

“Hello,” Tyler giggled, sending Josh another dorky grin. Josh swallowed hard, this boy was just so cute.

“Hi,” Josh kept his voice uninterested, not wanting to spur Tyler on.

“What’s your favorite color Josh?” Tyler stared up at the stars, waiting for the other’s reply. The question took Josh by surprise.

“probably blue,” Josh reached for his hair and looked at the blue strains for a moment then looked over to see the excited expression on Tyler's face.

“Blue is one of the best colors, it could mean calmness and relaxation or it could be cold and uninviting. Even the dark melancholy and lonly blues can be beautiful,” Tyler reached his hand over and stroked Josh’s blue hair, still seeming unaware of how awkward this was. Josh was only minorly annoyed by this.

“Dude that was deep,” Josh said looking away from Tyler to the stars. Maybe it was the pot talking but Josh was kinda enjoying this.

“Which one are you?” Tyler’s petting turned into twirling the hair around his fingers, catching Josh off guard “I know you’re not cold… no matter how hard you try to be. Maybe you fit more into the melancholy, loney category,”   
“well , I’d much rather be cold then anything else, though loney is more safe,” Josh smiled, “can’t hurt anyone if there is no one to begin with,”

“No, I know what kinda blue you are,” Tyler sat up and looked back at Josh with a drunken smile, “your the sweet, shy, sky blue,” he then broke down into giggles, “hehe I made a rhyme,”

Though Tyler was meaning no harm, Josh started to feel the spikes of fear from the easy way they talked. Tyler obviously was enjoying the conversation and that put Josh on edge.

Just then Josh’s phone started ringing, he dug it out his pocket and answered, irritation evident in his voice, “what?”

“Go start the car, we gotta go NOW!” Brendon’s voice sounded on the other side of the line, Josh could hear a bunch of rustling and screaming voices. Fucking damnit. Brendon got himself in trouble again.

“Okay Tyler, you’re coming with me,” Josh said after he hung up the phone, there was no way he was going to leave Tyler here this drunk with no one to take care of him, even if he really didn’t like the guy no one deserved that, “but we gotta go now,” he tried to help Tyler up, but the guy ended up just falling off the porch. “Fuck i don’t have time for this!” Josh scoped up tyler bridle style and started running to Brendon’s car.

“Wow you’re really strong!” Tyler seemed amazed at the fact that Josh could carry him, “and fast!” Josh blushed, the guy was super light so he wasn’t that hard to carry. He was lighter the Brendon if that was even possible.

Finally, after having to run for far too long, they made it to the car and Josh open the back door tried to put Tyler in as fast as possible, “just stay there and don’t move okay Tyler?” he didn’t wait for an answer and jumped in the driver’s seat. Josh quickly started the car and sped closer to the house to get Bren.

When Josh was almost there he saw Brendon sprinting out the front door towards the car, Josh leaned over and threw the car door open to let him in. Bren was almost to the car when Josh saw why he was running. A very angry looking Blonde haired girl was chasing after Bren with a long pointy stiletto in her hand and fire in her eyes, “you fucking bastard!” she screamed.

Brendon hurled himself in the open car door, “GO, GO, GO!” he screamed as the crazy blond got closer. Josh didn’t need to be told twice and stepped on the gas. He quickly turned the steering wheel and drove away from that house sending dirt and rocks flying behind them. As they got away Josh looked back to see the girl throw her shoe at them and scream more profanity at them.

“What was it this time?” Josh looked pissed at Brendon, “did you sleep with her and she angry or something? Fuck Brendon what if I had been drinking? This whole get away would have been impossible and you would have been stabbed with a shoe!” he yelled freaked out by the suddenness of Brendon’s situation. This whole night was completely pointless, except maybe the whole blue talk he had with Tyler. But even so he didn’t even really want to come to this party in the first place.

“First of all, I knew you wouldn’t have been drinking, because you hate having fun. Second, I slept with her boyfriend, not her. You know i’d never sleep with a blonde,” Brendon said offhandedly, still trying to catch his breath.

“Why the hell would you sleep with a guy with a girlfriend? Do you even have morals anymore? Or did you leave them with the last guy you fucked?” Josh replied, exasperated by Brendon’s antics, this was not the first time they had to make a speedy get away and Josh was sick of it. 

“I really don’t think you of all people should be judging me for sleeping with someone in a committed relationship and losing morals, we both know that's your job,” Brendon spat back, Josh gripped the steering wheel as hard as he could, knuckles turning white, trying to control his anger the best he could. It was a low blow and Brendon knew it. So much for the calm conversation with Tyler.

“That was different and you know it,” Josh tried to keep his voice level.

“Wait, Josh dated a girl with a boyfriend?” Tyler interrupted Josh with his slurred words and poked his head to see the two in the front seat.

“Josh,” Brendon put on a angry, forced smile “do you want to tell me why I have trash in my backseat?” he politely said staring straight at Tyler. Tyler just waved at Brendon with a drunken smile on his face.

“Travis Hawthorn brought him then dumped him to get laid, forgive me if i had sympathy for the poor guy,” Josh said trying to remain calm, fists still gripping the steering wheel hard. Brendon had no fucking right to be angry after what he’s pulled tonight.

“Are you even thinking right now?! Do you not remember who he is friends with?! It’s like you want to get your ass beat! It’s not your fault that he’s too drunk to figure a way to get back to his house!”

“No can’t go home, i’ll get in trouble with father,” Tyler started to lean forward then lightly plopped his head on Brendon’s shoulder. Brendon looked like he was about to explode.

“Tyler, Do you know where I can take you so you have somewhere to sleep?” Josh softened his voice when he spoke to Tyler, pissing Brendon off even more.

Tyler scrunched his face up in thought, “there’s a pretty park near my house, i could go there,”

“Well, where is this park Tyler?” Brendon asked, as he took his hand and slowly pushed Tyler off his shoulder and away from him.

“No, we are not dropping him off, while he’s drunk , at some random park to get robbed and killed!” Josh looked at Brendon like he was insane, “i’ll take care of him and let him sleep in my room, that way you don’t have to see him,” And so i don’t have to see you, Josh thought, not wanting to be in Brendon’s presents at the moment. “Is that okay with you Princess?” He gave Brendon a hard look, telling him this wasn’t up for discussion.

Brendon didn’t respond, instead he just sent Josh a pissed look before ignoring him and looking out the window.

The drive continued in silence Josh cooling his anger, Tyler was tired and trying to understand what was going on, and Brendon ignoring both of them, until they arrived at Brendon’s house. Bren got out the car, slammed the door and stomped up to the house. Josh sighed and slowly got out the car to get Tyler.

“Tyler, we have to go inside,” Josh told him gently, he looked like shit right now.

“No, we can’t go inside. He might still be awake,” Tyler mumbled, eyes unfocused looking at nothing. “I could going through my window, he’ll never know the difference,”

“No, we are at Brendon’s house, not yours,” Josh clarified, hoping he would understand and work with him, he really wasn’t in the mood to deal with this right now.

“Oh,” Tyler looked up at Josh and frowned, “he’s mad at you because of me,” he started to sit up and try to get out the car, failing miserably.

“No, he’s mad at me because of what I said, it had nothing to do with you,” Josh sighed and grabbed Tyler's arm, helping him get out the car. Once he was standing upright outside, he promptly ran to the grass and puked. Josh had gained a lot of experience dealing with sick drunk people since he started living with Brendon, mainly for the fact that he’d take care of Bren whenever he got too drunk. In Brendon’s defence, it didn’t happen often, and when it did happen he told Josh beforehand so he could be prepared.

“I think i’m dying,” Tyler groaned out after he got done being sick on the lawn.

“Well, drinking will do that to you,” Josh said awkwardly, he wasn’t very comfortable around Tyler. Part of Josh was telling him the boy couldn’t be trusted and he need to keep himself as far away from him as possible. But the other part was telling him Tyler was sweet and nice and considerate and really cute. Maybe not when he was on his knees dry heaving into the grass, that was not exactly the most attractive thing ever. It was something about his nervous fidgety hand, and the lopsided smile and those deep brown eyes that seemed to see everything…

“I don’t like drinking,” tyler said tiredly, breaking Josh from his thoughts. Shit, he shouldn’t be thinking about him like that, guys like Tyler are the ones that get you the most hurt, “Why do people do this again?” he looked up at Josh like he had the answer to the question.

Josh tried his best not to look him in the eyes, “I think the goal is to not drink so much you get sick from it, just enough to lower your inhibitions and relax,” Josh replied, pulling Tyler up so he was being mostly supported by Josh and began leading him to the door of the house.

“Then why do people get angry when they drink? If it is for relaxation why do they get so angry?” Tyler mumbled, looking confused, “and then they get so sad, why is that Josh?” Tyler sounded so broken, so low-spirited compared to the light hearted guy from just a hour earlier, the sound made Josh’s heart ache.

“I don’t know Tyler,” Josh tried to keep any emotion from his voice, you can’t let him think you care about him, because you don’t, you're only helping him because you don’t want to be responsible for his death, he thought to himself as they made it through the door. He looked over to Tyler and put a finger over his lips, telling him to be quiet. Tyler nodded and they made their way to Josh’s room.

Once there Josh put Tyler on his bed and grabbed the trash can, putting it by the bed, “If you need to get sick again the trash will be right here, please try your best not to puke on my bed,” his voice was barely above a whisper. When he looked at Tyler’s face to see if he understood Josh saw that he was staring straight at him.

“Why do you live with Brendon?” Tyler asked bluntly, tilting his head slightly. Josh was getting blankets out his closet for him to use on the small sofa on the other side of the room, lucky for Josh he didn’t have to sleep on the floor tonight.

“That’s none of your business,” Josh replied defensively, Trying to make his voice sound angry so he would not push the subject.

“What happened with the relationship you guys talked about in the car?” he persisted, closing his eyes and snuggling into the pillow. Josh ignored it the best he could and pulled the blanket over Tyler, he heard a small ‘thanks’ as Tyler grabbed the top of the covers and brought them closer to his face.

“Also, none of your business,” Tyler was still obviously drunk and Josh really didn’t want to deal with alcohol induced game of twenty questions, even if Tyler was being incredibly adorable. But, Josh wouldn’t admit that it was adorable, just annoying, “we are going to sleep. Now.” he made his voice sound as commanding as possible, hoping Tyler would listen.

After not getting a reply Josh took it as a sign that Tyler was asleep already, so he turned off the lights and laid down on the uncomfortable sofa and closed his eyes. Then Tyler’s voice pierced the silence with a barely audible whisper

“Why are your eyes so familiar?”

Josh was taken aback by this having no idea what to say. His eye’s looked familiar? That was a little odd, maybe it was just the alcohol talking. This was the same guy that was informing him about all the different emotion blue could represent, the drunk epiphanies could come from nowhere. 

“So familiar, i need to place it but every time i get close to the answer it runs away,” Josh was hardly able to understand his voice it was so quiet, “but maybe i’m not good enough for the answer. Maybe in thinking too much,” mumbled as an afterthought. “Maybe I’ll never be saved from him,” after saying that he started rambling about dogs and rabbits and trees. All Josh could do was listen and wonder what the hell he was talking about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a comment telling me what you think and thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Brendon anxiously smoothed down the non existent wrinkles in his shirt for the twentieth time that morning. He always hated going to church on Sundays, there was a whole list of things he’d rather do then be sitting in this pew right now, like bathing a cat or letting his arm be chewed off by piranhas. Even if church was degrading and pointless to him, it got his nagging parents off his back about his behavior, so it was the better of two evils. Though if his family knew the extent of what he did at parties and at school, they might not be as lenient towards him. But hey, what they didn’t know wasn’t going to hurt them.

 

Luckily this morning was better than most, mainly for the fact he didn’t have a massive hangover. The reason being his night was cut short by a pyscho blonde with deep denial issues about her very gay boyfriend. Most of the time, Brendon would never fuck someone who was in a relationship, unless both of them were into it (which always made for a fun night), but this guy came on to him and failed to mention his very scary girlfriend.  Now usually he could smell a taken man from a mile away, but he hadn’t had sex of any kind in almost two week. Two. Long. Weeks. So he wasn’t paying the most attention to who he was pulling, as long as he could get off with them. And he probably would have gotten off with him too, if they hadn’t been interrupted mid blowjob by the valley girl from hell. It probably wasn’t her fault her flaming boyfriend would prefer sleeping with him, who wouldn’t? It wasn’t Brendon’s fault he was flawless. But, she could at least let him get his rocks off before she tried to kill him, at least he could die satisfied. Inconsiderate bitch.

 

It wasn’t just miss pumpkin spice that had ruined last night. Josh decided to be a hypocritical ass hole and jump his shit, like always, telling him what was right and wrong, like he didn’t already know. It annoyed Brendon that Josh felt the need to mother him, if he wanted mothering he’d go to his own mom. Much like mother’s, Josh always forgave him for every stupid thing he did. Well, almost everything. He knew he really shouldn’t have brought up Josh’s past. He was still struggling with being completely disowned by his family, exiled from his church, being attacked by his previous friends, then Brendon had to bring up the root of Josh’s problems and basically blame him for all of it. Ugh, now that he was thinking about it, Josh probably had a point, he usually kept Brendon from doing anything too stupid, and he couldn’t count how many times Josh saved him from scary people by acting intimidating. If only they knew Josh was the sweetest, most non-intimidating person he’d ever met. He was completely misunderstood and for some reason the world was out to get him. Brendon always felt like he was a better person when he was around Josh, like maybe that natural kindness that radiated off some how transferred to him.

 

Maybe that’s why Brendon had fallen in love with him so quickly.

 

he didn’t know when it happened, or even how, he just found himself completely in love with the blue haired drummer. 

 

Brendon wasn’t an idiot. He knew the love was one sided, Josh was still far too broken to want to engage in a relationship when Brendon had figured it out. Even now, 8 months after everything went down, he knew it was never going to happen. Brendon had been told by Josh multiple times that he was like a brother to him, and that he didn’t think he would have made it out of this whole ordeal without his help. He wasn’t going to risk losing Josh over some silly school girl love. 

 

But knowing all this didn’t make it hurt any less. Sleeping with random people took made him forget for a little while, but it would always come back, usually it would sting a little bit less than before. At least he was making some sort of progress.

 

Brendon was snapped out of his thoughts when he felt someone looking at him. When he looked up he saw a familiar face staring at him from a the side of him a row over. Maybe it was because Brendon never paid attention church, but he didn’t think he’d ever seen this guy here before. Once the guy had been discovered he turned to face the preacher quickly, acting as if he had been doing that the whole time. Brendon continued to stare at him, trying to place where he remembered the guy from, with no success. Wherever he was from, he was hot, not his usual type either. He had  brown hair that was hanging slightly in his face and delicate features, unlike the usual buff gym types he usually went for. He turned again to look at Brendon and they locked eyes. Oh yeah, this guy was into him, what a perfect distraction to be sent his way. Brendon sent him a seductive smirk and winked. From across the room he could see the guy swallow and turn forward. 

 

This was going to be like candy from a baby.

 

Except instead of candy he was getting sex.

 

So much better.

 

Once the guy turned again Brendon raised an eyebrow and stood up to go to the “bathroom”. Since they sat in the back, nobody really noticed him leaving. Brendon left the sanctuary and walked quietly down the hall looking to see if anyone was out walking, when he found no one there he leaned against the wall and waited. 

 

Almost exactly five minutes after he had left he saw the figure slip into the hallway fiddling with the sleeves of his suit and a guilty look on his face. They both knew it was really risky to sleep with someone at church, so many things could go wrong. But at this point, Brendon was pretty sure he’d have gay sex in front of the fucking pope as long as he got off.

 

“Umm, hi,” the guy waved, obviously saying he wasn’t going to make the first move here. Which made sense, since they were in fucking church, being hesitant was probably the smartest way to be. But Brendon was never known for making the best decisions. 

 

Bren pushed off the wall and stepped closer, leaning in to let their breath intertwine as they sized each other up. Then he moved so he could whisper in his ear, “You wanna have some fun?” he kept his voice low and sultry. Before he could move or say anything else he was pushed to the wall with a pair of soft lips against his. Brendon quickly grabbed him and all but threw him to the same wall without breaking their heated kiss, letting Brendon take the lead. When he looked at the boy’s face any reluctance it had held had been eradicated by pure lust.

 

‘Oh fuck this was going to be hot’ was all that went through his head.

 

“Not in the hall,” Brendon was able to murmured between harsh kisses. He pulled himself back, giving himself a moment to Think. This was one of Brendon’s worst faults, Getting to caught up in the moment to think straight. Then, as the heard the congregation start to sing another hymn, Brendon got the best idea ever. 

 

“I have an idea,” he whispered and grabbed the boy’s tie, pulling him behind him as they ran down the hall, “one of my favorite rooms, and it’s never used,” 

 

Brendon didn’t hesitate to throw the door open when they reached the old choir room, dragging his companion inside.

 

“I’ve always wanted to fuck someone over a piano,” 

 

…

 

Tyler awoke the next morning with a skull splitting headache. He moaned in pain and tried to move his blanket over his face to block out the sunlight pouring through the window. Only it wasn’t his blanket, and this wasn’t his bed. Tyler flew upright in the bed, instantly regretting it when he started to feel dizzy. Where was he? Why was he here and not in his bed?

 

“You looked like you’re having a good time this morning,” Tyler turned this head to see Josh Dun standing there with a glass of water and a bottle of pills in his hands, “here, this will help, and drink as much water as you can,” Josh kept his voice quiet but it still felt like he was screaming in Tyler’s ears.

 

“Um, thanks,” Tyler murmured taking the water and pills out of Josh’s hands. After taking the pills he started looking around the room, “where exactly am I?” Tyler started to rub his neck awkwardly, he was starting to remember bits and pieces from last night but most was a blur.

 

“Brendon Urie’s house, you had said you didn’t want to go home, so I brought you here. I thought it was better then your idea to sleep in a park,” Josh sat on the sofa across from the bed Tyler was currently occupying, “I hope that was okay,” his cheeks had a tinge of red starting to creep up his neck, was Josh embarrassed? He looked adorable, trying not to met Tyler’s eye, face tinged pink. Tyler turned away from Josh, If anyone should be embarrassed it should be Tyler for being so stupid last night and getting so drunk he couldn’t remember what he did. If Josh hadn't been there he had no idea how last night would have gone. What was he thinking? 

 

“Yeah... yeah it’s okay. Probably the best I came here, I was suppose to go home with Travis, but I guess that didn’t work out,” Tyler sighed, “should have known,” Travis was not the most reliable person, but Tyler didn’t really think thing though when he agreed to go with him to this party. He thought he’d relax a little and talk to people, maybe drink a little, but instead they gave him drink after drink until he couldn’t see straight.

 

“You had said he’d left to be with his girlfriend, you looked way to messed up to be left alone at one of Spencer’s parties, or any party for that matter,” he shook his head a little as if to shake away a thought and looked back to Tyler, “Brendon’s mom made breakfast if you want some, and maybe a clean shirt, it probably smells like beer and vomit,” He brought his stained shirt to his nose and quickly pulled it away, god it smelt terrible and made his headache even worse.

 

“A clean shirt would be nice,” Tyler said and took off his shirt without thinking about it, wanting the smell as far away from him as possible. 

 

Josh didn’t speak, just sat there and staring at Tyler, his face unreadable, “about that shirt, can i have it now?” Tyler kept his voice light and jovial.

 

Josh finally tore his eyes away, “yeah,” he said quietly and made his way to the closet. The closet was almost completely empty, one pair of shoes, two pairs of jeans and six shirts at most. was that all the clothes Josh had? Did Josh not take his clothes when he left his family? Or any of his stuff? The room was bare of any knick knacks or posters.

 

“You and Brendon must be close,”  “is this his room?” Tyler looked at the bare walls, this room didn’t look lived in. no posters or pictures, everything was clean to the point Tyler felt like he was making it messy just sitting there. Tyler might not know Brendon that well, but he knew the boy probably didn’t live in this room. Josh didn’t reply, he just threw a plain gray t-shirt to Tyler and turned to 

 

‘Okay…’ Why did Josh suddenly stop talking to him? Did Tyler offend him? Was it have anything to do with all the stuff Jenna told him? Whatever it was Tyler had to know.

 

Tyler threw his shirt on swiftly and jumped out the bed after Josh, ignoring his body's protest to the quick movements. After wandering down the hall he found Josh in the kitchen with a cinnamon roll on a paper plate. He pushed the plate into Tyler’s hands, “let’s go, i’m taking you home,” his voice was harsh sounding and his body was standing straight up in an aggressive stance. It made Tyler jump a little at the sound, but he turned to follow Josh outside. He told Josh the address then got in the car. Tyler looked in the backseat and started to remember what happened here last night.

 

“Brendon was really angry last, is he any better now? I didn’t see him inside” Tyler looked over to Josh who didn’t answer, it was starting to annoy him, “why aren’t you talking to me? What did I do?” he raised his voice slightly, keeping his eyes firmly on Josh. He didn’t reply for a few minutes.

 

“You said something last night,” Josh‘s voice faltered slightly but he continued, “about my eye’s, how they were familiar, what did you mean?” he was still trying to look intimidating but failed, not looking at Tyler at all. Had Tyler really said that last night? Not exactly the best way to get on someone’s good side, and to get his questions answered he needed Josh at least a little okay with him.

 

“When you told me off the other day during our study session, your face, your voice, whole body said angry, but your eye's weren't angry, I'm not sure what they were but I knew I'd seen the look before,” he said truthfully, Tyler really had no reason to not confide this to Josh, it couldn't hurt could it. 

 

“I was angry at you, you must have made the look up in your head,” Josh said defensively, looking like he wanted to curl in on himself. 

 

“They’re like that now too,” Tyler pointed out, now he was totally confused. He felt bad for putting that look in Josh’s eyes but he wasn't sure why. Tyler thought about it then it hit him, “were you scared?” it all came down on Tyler like a ton of bricks. Josh was scared of him. How? He was one of the most non threatening people ever and Josh was a bad ass. How was that possible? “Josh are you scared of me? Why?” 

 

“We need to stop and get gas,” Josh turned the car into a gas station ignoring the question. Tyler needed Josh to answer or he just might go insane, he Didn’t know why he needed to know why Tyler scared him. Josh was unimportant and only needed in Tyler’s life to help with some stupid project, why did he want to know about him so badly? It didn't matter, he could think about that later. 

 

Josh parked the car next to a pump and got out, Tyler got out with him.

 

“Why are you avoiding the question? What is it i’m doing that is so scary?” Tyler circled the car to be in front of josh who was getting the gas put into the car.

 

“Just stop talking to me Tyler, i’m done with this,” Josh huffed and kept his back turned to Tyler. Tyler wasn’t having it. 

 

He grabbed Josh’s shoulder and pushed him up against the car facing him, hands trapping him in place, “Why are you scared?” his voice was firm and unmoving, “does it have to do with last year? Jenna told me some-” 

 

Tyler was cut off by Josh grabbed the front of his shirt and throwing him back, forcing Tyler to fall on the blacktop landing hazardously  “I told you to drop it!” Josh’s voice didn't waver, it was hard, unyielding. 

 

But his eye's were  still  scared. 

 

“I will not hesitate to kick your ass the next time you start asking stupid questions! I don't need some ass hole coming in here acting like they know everything!” Josh moved the hoes from the car back to the pump, “go back to your life and forget I exist!” Josh got in his car and rolled the window down to yell, “walk the rest of the way home!” Then he skidded out the parking lot.

 

Tyler was stunned. Well, that certainly didn't turn out like he planned. if getting Josh to trust him a little was the plan, making him never want to speak to Tyler again wasn't the best idea. Ugh.

 

Tyler got off the hot black top and started to walk to his house, which was only a block away. how could he fuck it up so fast? Why did he snap so fast?

 

Josh did it because he was scared of Tyler and that was the only way to get him to leave him alone. He was using violence to protect himself, he was just trying to keep himself from getting hurt.

 

It kept coming back to the same question, why was he scared of Tyler? 

 

...

 

“I’m guessing you like music,” the boy said as he started putting his pants on.

 

‘Shit he’s one of the ‘let’s talk about personal stuff after sex’ kind’ Brendon thought to himself, fuck.

 

“Let’s get one thing straight, this was just a quick fuck. A very nice, very hot fuck, but still just a fuck. I don’t want to know anything about you,” Brendon knew how he sounded, but it was the best way everyone got the point, even if it made Bren the bad guy. He had been through some sad people before, but leading them on was harsher than breaking it off quick. 

 

“Damn, you’ve become a bit of a heartless bitch,” the guy laughed, wait this guy knew him? “I guess i should have realized that when I saw you and you all but bent me over a pew in the middle of a church service,”

 

“Woah, wait, have I pulled you before?” shitshitshit you never sleep with the same person twice. That's how people get attached and emotions start coming in. really not okay.

 

“You really don’t remember me? Wow I’m glad i made such a fleeting impression on you,” the guy seemed not to mind too much, but looks could be deceiving, “it was 2 years ago, and by how much better you are now, i’d say quite a few guys ago,” he laughed again.

 

2 years ago? He really didn’t start sleeping around until a year ago, so where…

 

Oh my fucking god.

 

“You're the guy I fucked at church camp,” the last year he went to church camp he’d met an obviously gay kid and Brendon told him about how the bible was shit. Then he was invited to go to the kids room he was staying in and they had sex. After everything was done the guy started to cry and threw Brendon out the room almost completely naked. Brendon had tried his best not to think about the whole thing and forget it happened.

 

Kinda hard to forget when the past is standing there with an evil looking smile.

 

“I don’t fuck guys more than once,” Brendon couldn’t think of anything but to make it clear he wasn’t open for a relationship.

 

“Relax Brendon, i don’t want anything from you. I just saw an opportunity to get fucked and took it,” he laughed, “though I do have to say that was one one the best fucks i’ve ever had,” Brendon had to admit, this guy was a pretty good lay, one, if not the best he’d ever had. Which was saying something since he was drunk or high when he'd slept with most of the others, amplifying the experience. 

 

“I tend to have that effect on people,” he smirked. This guys was stroking his ego perfectly, he was quite sure he’d stroke something else perfectly too. Brendon stopped his brain, ‘you just got some, cool yourself,’ 

 

Before Brendon knew what was going on the guy stepped closer to him “it’s always good to have a good booty call, I could be yours” he leaned in so their bodies were almost flush against one another, Brendon couldn’t stop himself but lean in too, “just in case you're having a dry spell,” he whispered and bit Brendon’s ear softly, “though i’m sure that never happens to a guy like you, does it?” and just like that all body heat was gone and Brendon was left half hard in the middle of the abandon choir room.

 

He ran to the hall, “I don’t need a booty call!” Brendon whisper yelled down the hall to the retreating figure.

 

“no one ‘needs’ one, but it sure is nice,” the guy winked back at Brendon. 

 

“you never even gave me your name!” the guy reached the end of the hall and gave Brendon a smirk. 

 

“Check your phone,” was all he said and then he was gone.

 

Brendon took his phone out his pocket and unlocked it to see ‘Ryan the best fuck of your life’ had been typed into his contacts. 

 

Slick bitch. 

 

…

 

When Brendon made it back to the house, he knew he had to find Josh and apologize. What he did late night was completely uncalled for and petty, and if this was anyone but Josh, Brendon would probably feel good about it. Ugh, stupid Josh, making him want to be a good person.

 

He searched the house finding Josh gone. After checking to see if his weed stash was missing, which it was, Brendon knew exactly where he was hiding. He took off his church clothes and changed into some comfy street clothes, knowing he was probably going to have to get his shoes dirty.

 

He went outside and walked to the forest by his house. Usually Bren would leave him to be by himself, Josh always went to the forest as a last resort. But Brendon had a bad feeling something went down between Tyler and Josh, and if Tyler had hurt him, Josh would need a friend to tell him it wasn’t his fault. Then he’d go kill Tyler, but he wasn’t going to tell Josh that.

 

“Josh?” Brendon got to his usual spot and looked around for Josh.

 

“Here,” Bren turned to see Josh sprawled across the forest floor, a dopey smile appeared on his face once he recognized who Brendon was, “you found me! I knew you would. you can have some too, you deserve to relax. Always looking out for me,”

 

“I think you're a little more than relaxed right now Josh,” Josh only smiled wider and giggled. He was higher than a fucking kite right now, this was a major red flag to Brendon. Josh hardly ever got high enough to really effect his behavior, but when he did Josh was really upset, “and i think i’m going to stay sober and take care of you for once,” Bendon was sure Josh wasn’t even going to be able to find his way home in this condition.

 

“Sooo nice of you, and here I was thinking you were a total idiot who didn’t care about other people’s feelings,” another soft laugh, “you always prove me wrong,”

 

Brendon shook his head and smiled, ‘when you come down you’re going to be so mad at me’ he thought. He disregarded the thought and sat down by Josh’s head, Josh instantly moving to lay his head on Brendon’s lap and snuggling into his hand. Whenever Josh got really high, he basically turned into an adorable cat, just wanting to lay around and receive attention. Brendon complied and started to run his fingers through his hair, trying his best not to think about how cute Josh was or how perfect he looked with the sun shining through the trees on him. Thats definitely not what he was thinking about.

 

“May I ask why you decided to get so high before noon?” Brendon kept his voice soft, not wanting to turn Josh’s trip bad. He knew he’d get the best and most truthful answer when he was high and not paying attention.

 

“My eyes,” Josh opened his eyes and stared at the sky, “how can he see them? Was all my work for nothing?” josh didn’t seem upset, just confused, “he saw past it so quickly,”

 

Brendon tried understand what Josh was saying, “What about your eyes is he seeing past?” he asked, hoping it would clarify.

 

“I want him to be a bad person and show he's a bad person.  Then i’ll know how to feel about him,” Josh continued, not hearing Brendon at all. 

 

“What did he see?” Brendon raised an eyebrow. Josh had to be talking about Tyler, that bastard. Josh was doing so well, now Tyler came along and Josh is falling apart again. 

 

“Scared, my eyes showed I was scared of him, and he saw that. He could see though everything, all my protection. He wants to know why and I can’t tell him. I can see myself letting him in so easily, just letting him come in and destroy what little I have left. I can see it,” his eyes closed completely “and I want that so bad, But I can go through that again,” he whispered, moving his face so it was hidden from view, silently crying into Brendon’s shirt. Brendon continued to card his hand through Josh’s hair, trying his best to comfort him and processes and piece together what he just said. Brendon’s stomach started to twist itself in knots when he pieced what he could together.

 

Tyler wants Josh.

 

And what’s worse is Josh wants him back.

 

Bren was always able to tell gay from straight upon seeing the person, it’s a skill he gained from having to decipher between a room full of people who he could sleep with. That’s how he’d known Tyler was gay. He also knew the boy didn’t have the slightest idea of what he was or how to go about accepting it. Tyler couldn’t be trusted to be anywhere near Josh, too much could go wrong and Josh wouldn’t be able to take it. He’d been through too much.

 

Brendon had made a promise to himself never to let Josh get hurt again.

 

He intended on keeping it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So apparently I forgot to put notes on this chapter, but now I can. 
> 
> I'm going to wait to put smut in this story till a little later on, I've never written smut before and I'd like to practice a little. 
> 
> Please leave a comment telling me what you think and a Kudo if you liked it.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed itmy lovelies.


	4. chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short one guys, but this is all I can put out and still have 2 chapters written ahead of time. I'm also going on vacation next week, so I'll post the next chapter when i get home.
> 
> I hope you enjoy sweetness.

Tyler quietly made his way through the halls, trying his best to make it to his destination without anyone seeing him. He was headed to the music hall near the back of the school, the new choir teacher always helped him find somewhere to play. Near the beginning of the year, Mr. Stump had caught him late one night using the choir room to play his music, after Tyler pleaded and told him no one could know about it, Mr. Stump gave Tyler his phone number and told him if he needed some music time by himself to text him and he could sort it out. Tyler wasn't quite sure why Mr. Stump was so nice to him, always going out of his way to accommodate him in any way he could, but he wasn’t going to start complaining. Usually he’d give Tyler his keys and Tyler would lock himself in the auditorium for a couple hours. He was always able to sort through his thoughts easier when he did it though music, and if he ever needed a time to sort through his thoughts, it was now. His thoughts were almost all consuming at this point. 

It had been over 3 weeks since Tyler had asked Jenna about Josh, and he was starting to think it was a very very bad idea to do so. Since he brought it up he had been hearing his friends talk about Josh, saying how he was disgusting and stupid and infectious, how he was a perverted bastard drug addict not even his mother could love. They would call Josh out in the halls and in class, saying anything hurtful they could think of. It made Tyler sick to his stomach, but he did nothing to stop it. What could he do? It wasn't like he had the power to change what they thought. When he asked Jenna why they were doing it she simply replied with “because he deserves it,”. Tyler knew this was all his fault, if he would have just left Josh alone or not asked Jenna about him, Josh might still be living in peace without the continuous harassment. 

 

Fortunately, nothing had turned physical, much to Urie’s dislike (that kid wanted to attack anyone who so much as looked at Josh the wrong way). Tyler hoped the whole thing would blow over in a few weeks and Josh would drop off of everyone's radar. 

 

As upset as it made Tyler, Josh seemed to not be fazed by any of it. They all tried to get a rise out of him but he would just ignore them, making them even more determined to hurt him. How Josh didn't get angry or sad or any high emotions from the harsh words was beyond Tyler. He was just… Blank. There was no other way to describe it. Not scared, not angry, not  _ anything,  _ just blank. Tyler wasn’t sure if it was a good or bad thing.

 

Then there was everything Jenna had told him about Josh, disowning his parents, being gay… then whoever Andrew was. The answers he got from Jenna only lead to more questions. Why would Josh disown his family because he was gay? It didn’t exactly seem like the best reason to disown one’s family. Then the whole trying to convert his best friend, that didn’t seem like Josh. Actually, none of it sounded like Josh. from what Tyler had seen of Josh he was one of the most considerate people he’d ever met. He forgave Tyler for blackmailing him and he helped Tyler when he got drunk and abandon when he really could have just left him. Why would he do those things if he was really a bad person? He seemed more like he just wanted to be left alone. It made him wonder how much water Jenna’s words held. 

 

Tyler really wanted to talk to him, but he couldn't talk to Josh without anyone seeing him and potentially getting Josh and himself in more trouble. Tyler wasn't sure whether the facts Jenna gave him about Josh were completely without bias and he really wanted to know the full story. He needed to ask if he was okay, he needed to apologize and ask Josh for his forgiveness, he needed to help, he needed to do so much but had no idea how to. How do you help someone when anything you do will hurt them?

 

Tyler made it to the abandon music hall and knocked on Mr. Stump’s office door, “come in!” he called from inside and Tyler quickly made his way inside, “Tyler, it’s been a few weeks,” Mr. Stump stated, not looking up from whatever he was working on.

 

“Yeah, it’s been a bit hectic recently,” Tyler murmured, not really looking at the shorter teacher. As nice as he was Tyler never told him anything that was going on in his life, even though he knew he could trust him, Tyler just didn’t want to be anymore of a burden on him then he already was.

 

Mr. Stump looked up from his work and examined Tyler quickly. Tyler knew what he looked like, His shoulders were drawn, one hand holding the other to keep from fidgeting, dark circles under his eyes, in all, Tyler looked stressed the fuck out. After a moment of thought Mr. Stump reached in his pocket and pulled out his keys, “I’m staying pretty late to get this song arrangement finished, so just bring them back when you're done,” Tyler was eternally thankful for him not asking any questions, he really didn’t want to have to make up something to tell him, “but if you need anything else, just ask” Patrick gave him a small, warm smile that made Tyler want to leave as soon as possible. 

 

“Thanks,” he tried to send his back a smile but it ended up looking more like a grimace. Tyler grabbed the keys and made his way out the room, trying to not look like he was in too much of a hurry to get out of there.

 

The auditorium was next to the music hall, so the walk there was short and Tyler all but ran there, almost forgetting to lock the door when he did arrive. He pulled his notebook out his bag as he walked down to middle stage where the sleek black  grand piano sat, just waiting to be played. Disregarding his bag, he made it to the piano bench and sat down, opening the notebook and going to the page he’d been writing on for a few days, making sure to not look at any of the previous writings. 

 

The song was incomplete, only a few lines of an incomplete idea lay on the page. The idea had been bouncing around his head for a while, it stemmed from a recurring dream he'd been having recently, but with everything that was going on at school and with Josh, it had taken a backseat to other things in his life. The song had only been written down because his brain refused to shut off if he didn’t. 

 

There was this forest behind Tyler’s house. When he was younger, Everytime he got lost in his head he’d go there and pray, plea with god to help him, to let him understand why bad stuff happened, just show him he wasn’t alone. After his prayers went unanswered time and time again, he gave up on them, choosing instead to explore the forest for months. He was looking for something, anyone, who could save him, make his life bearable, could make sense of the words and thoughts that ran though Tyler’s brain. After this too failed, he’d given up on both God and the forest, realizing they had nothing to give him.

 

Until now.

 

In the dream Tyler is standing in the forest at night, unable to see anything but the faint outlines of the trees that surrounded him. He’d feel scared and alone, trapped within his mind, wanting to run away and find somewhere safe, away from thoughts that snarled and circled him like a pack of hungry wolves. He’d be anchored to the spot, unable to free himself from this paralyzing fear. 

 

That’s when he’d feel it. Something that he never felt before in the forest.

 

Someone was there. They were unseen, silent, but tyler could feel their presence. Then the sun slowly started to rise, bathing the trees in a soft beautiful light, chase away the shadows and fears that plagued his mind. He’d always look around to find whoever did this and they would never reveal themselves. 

 

Tyler had thought maybe coming and playing what he had would help him finish the song, the dream, and even if he couldn’t finish the song, maybe he could just play until his mind felt calm again. Maybe he could start to think clearly and process his thoughts after he’s done with it. 

 

He could at least try.

 

…

 

Josh yawned as he leaned against the wall and watched as Brendon talked excitedly to the band teacher. Brendon had volunteered both himself and Josh to help the band teacher set up the new band equipment an hour before school. Josh didn't really mind being volunteered without being asked or having to wake up early too much, the job was a bit much for just the band teacher and one student. Plus, Brendon seemed really excited to get to play the new stuff. He was always amazed by the way Brendon could play just about any instrument he put  his hands on. 

 

He pushed off the wall and decided to wander around the hall a bit while Brendon talked to the teacher. Josh had never really been good just standing in one place, he also knew the hall would be deserted until second period when the first music class was, which was needed. 

 

Ever since he'd helped Tyler out, the entire student body seemed to remember his existence and not in a good way. He'd been cornered in the hall by a few guys a few days ago after school when he had to get help from a teacher for homework, luckily said teacher came down the hall and the guys fled. Josh knew if he hasn't been saved by his English teacher he'd have been beaten up. Realizing this, Josh realized he had to start making precautions when he was at school. He always had to be aware of where he was and everyone around him, he either needed to be in a teacher's class room or a large crowd of people, that way no one could attack him without consequences. Even if the crowd parted like the red sea every time he was in it or the occasionally shove into the walls or lockers, he was safe. 

 

The only thing Josh couldn't avoid was the hurtful words that were thrown carelessly at him. They held nothing back, every hateful thought popped into their heads was said and Josh tried his best to block it out. But He could only block out so much of what they were saying, what got through felt like knives in his chest. Even if it didn't show on Josh’s face, the words were taking a toll on him, they brought up memories he had hoped never to think about again. He was starting to get stress headaches and shoulder pain from never relaxing. He also had to stop playing the drums at the music store because he re-blistered his fingers and he couldn't hold a pencil for school. The last time he slept more than 6 hours was when he’d gotten high in the forest and Brendon brought him home, and he'd been so high he couldn't really remember much of what had happened besides Brendon walking him back and putting him in bed. 

 

Josh stopped in his tracks when he noticed something laying in the middle of the hall. He walked over to pick it up and found it was a worn black composition notebook with ‘pre-cal’ written across the front looking much newer than the notebook. Josh looked around and noticed no one in the area. The book looked like it had a ton of writing in it by how worn it was, whoever’s this belonged to needed to get it back. 

 

Josh turned around and headed back to the band room slowly, looking around the outside cover of the book for a name. After finding nothing he opened it and started to read the writing on a random page and froze.

 

This was definitely not pre-calculus. 

 

The page was covered in lines of words going in all different directions, some scratched though the page others darkened by going over it multiple times. In the upper right corner there was a spot where it looked like someone repeatedly tapped their pen against the paper. The whole thing was complete chaos, but one thing was consistent though the whole page, in many different sizes and boldness were the words “save me”. 

 

“Hey whatcha reading?” Josh snapped the notebook closed when he heard Brendon’s voice approaching him.

 

“N-nothing,” he stuttered out, pulling the notebook closer to himself. He wasn’t quite sure why he felt the need to keep this from his best friend but he did, “just looking over my pre-cal notes,” he said and flipped the notebook so Brendon could see the cover.

  
“Oh, well class is going to start soon we should get going before me and Mr. Trohman get into another argument, you’d think for a band teacher he’d have decent taste in music,” Brendon said jokingly and Josh held in a sighed of relief as the subject was changed. Even just seeing one page Josh knew it wasn’t for public eyes, the writing seemed frantic, the words were completely raw and pleading for help from god, this was someone’s deepest thoughts… and Josh had to keep them safe until he found the writer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you liked it please leave a kudo and comment what you think about it! I love feedback of any kind. Stay hydrated friendos.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hahaha sorry Just finished the rest of the chapter to what i had posted before, so the beginning you've already read, but the rest in new. 
> 
> My life is a bit messy right now, so that is kinda showing in my posting habits, don't worry i'm working on it!
> 
> Thank you for being patient with me, I hope you enjoy the rest of this!!

Tyler was starting to completely flip out. It had been two days since he lost his lyric book and he was running out of ideas of where it could be. He pulled apart his room and searching his car, he retraced his steps a thousand times, all of these lead to dead ends. He'd even gone to the office and asked Mr. Stump if anyone had turned it in and got nothing. Tyler couldn't let anyone read that or his life was over. His friends would think he was some weird, depressed, emo kid or worse, his teachers would ask why he wrote the things he did and start watching him closer. What if they actually read it in depth and understanding why he wrote some of the songs, if they found out about his father or his history? He’d get nothing but pity and probably a visit from the police. Then, his father would probably be taken to jail or forced into rehab then tyler would have nowhere to live. He would have to quit school and get a job, get a GED and kiss every one of his college dreams goodbye. 

Tyler could wait one more year.

When his thoughts weren't on his lost note book and what could come from it, they were thinking about Josh. Was Jenna leaving things out about him? Was what she told him true? Why does he push Tyler away so much? How did he and Brendon meet? Why does he dye his hair cotton candy blue or what does he looked like when he laugh? That is, if the mysterious boy ever does laugh. There was just something about Josh that's made it impossible for Tyler to not think and worry about him. It was getting a bit concerning to say the least, mostly because Tyler had no idea what to do.

No matter what Tyler did he couldn't get a moment with the boy alone, and even if he did get Josh alone there was a high chance he was just going to get pushed away like last time. If he wasn’t careful he could get both himself and Josh in major trouble with their peers.  
Tyler walked quietly through the music hall, looking around for the beat up composition book, knowing full well he wasn't going to find it (he'd already searched the hall several times by now), but it brought his some kind of comfort that he was at least trying to find it. Tyler had waited until after practice to come here, knowing the place would be empty, everyone would be gone by this time.

Or at least he thought everyone would be gone.

There sitting in front of the band room doors, was Josh. His knees were pulled up close to his chest with his hands resting on them, his light blue colored hair was resting against the wall and his eyes were closed. His face was completely relaxed, shoulders were slumped comfortably. If it wasn’t for the light tapping of his finger against his leg and the loud music overflowing from his headphones Tyler would think Josh was asleep. He looked so… peaceful. He wasn’t trying to fight against the whole world, or more like it, defend himself from it. It took Tyler’s breath away, and Tyler was not exactly sure why.

After a few seconds something hit him. No one was around him, he and Josh were completely alone in the hall.

He could talk to Josh without anyone knowing.

Tyler seized the opportunity and made his way over to Josh before he could think about it, making sure not to seem intimidating. He still wasn't sure why Josh was scared of him but Tyler didn't want to take chances.

Tyler slid down the walk facing Josh so he was sitting about 4 feet away, keeping his distance. Josh didn't seem to notice, not moving an inch when Tyler sat down and wait for Josh to notice him there.

Josh opened his eye's after the song in his ears had stopped, moving his hand to grab his phone and change the song.

Josh saw Tyler and jumped up, all relaxation gone in an instant, ripping his headphones out his ears, “Tyler?” He said startled, before becoming more rigid “what are you doing here? I told you to leave me alone,” his voice became more callus and Tyler chose to ignore it and stay calm.

“I had to talk to Mr. Stump about some stuff, but I'm going to have to wait till later, he seemed really busy with something,” Tyler said smoothly. It wasn't exactly a lie, stump was really busy and Tyler needed to talk to him, just not today, “I had some time to kill,”

Josh looked at Tyler suspiciously as if trying to read his intentions, “I told you to leave me alone,” he carefully restated, voice steady

“Well, I’m waiting for Stump, I’m not here to annoy you or whatever,” Tyler tried to come of as if he didn’t care that Josh was there, even if they both knew Tyler cared much more then either would care to admit, maybes Josh wouldn’t feel as threatened.

Josh looked around the hall as if waiting for someone else to come, but after nothing happened his body relaxed slightly. Tyler had to fight off a smile from forming on his lips when Josh relaxed slightly and sat back down in his original spot. After several minutes tyler spoke again.

“Why are you here? Are you in band or something?” Tyler asked casually, watching for any signs of discomfort.

“Umm, Brendon had practice, I’m waiting for him to get out. We drive home together,” Josh mumbled quickly, staring intently at the wall to his left.

“He seems nice,” Tyler replied, as long as they didn’t talk about Josh, Josh probably wouldn’t freak out. "I'm sure if we had met under different circumstances we could have been friends," Josh seemed to brighten a bit at Tyler’s words.

“Yeah, Brendon’s a really great guy, well, once you get passed the sarcasm and alpha dog thing,” Josh fiddled with his headphones while he talked looking down at his hands with a soft smile on his face “Once you become friends with him, he’ll do anything for you,” Josh seemed to relax more the more he talked.

“What music are you listening to?” Tyler let himself smile as he asked, unable to hold it in.

Josh started to talk about the music he liked, telling Tyler all about his favorite bands and artists. As Josh continued to talk, he started to feel more comfortable, moving his hands when he was explaining something and the soft smile just became brighter and brighter.

Tyler wanted to melt. It was impossible for someone could look that sweet and cute without trying. Josh was just so… And Tyler was just… Tyler couldn’t put his finger on what he was feeling right now and, honestly, for the first time in his life he didn’t feel the need to understand what was happening.

Tyler just sat and absorbed all the knowledge Josh had on music, only talking when Josh asked him something. Their taste was almost exactly the same, and Josh was talking about some bands and songs he didn’t even know about.

“Wait, You’ve never heard of Death Cab for Cutie?” Josh seemed in disbelief at this.

“No?” Tyler laughed a little, if Tyler had know it was this easy to get Josh to open up he'd had done it so much sooner. How to get Josh Dun to talk to you: music.

Josh looked as if he was about to say something when a his phone started to ring. Tyler was almost positive he'd never hated an object so much in his life. He was getting so close to.... Tyler didn't know what he was close to but he was close, and that supid phone ruined it.

“Bren?” Josh sounded a bit surprised. After a moment Josh hung up running his hands down his face.

“Another blonde to save him from?” Tyler joked and Josh grinned.

“You remember that?” Josh ran his hand through his hair and pulled it slightly, then flexed his arms as he stretched with a groan, not really thinking about what he was doing.

Tyler’s mind went a bit haywire watching Josh, Tyler just wanted to move across the hall and grip Josh’s cotton candy hair in his own hand, pushing the other against Josh’s chest, feeling the muscles move under his finger tips as Josh was pinned to the wall, Josh’s arms would wrap around him to try and pull Tyler closer, grab at his shoulders maybe for better leverage. Then Josh would moan as he-

“Yeah hard to forget about a night like that,” Tyler answered abruptly before his mind could finish the dream in his head. Oh god what is happening?

Josh wasn’t looking at Tyler at the moment and didn't notice Tyler’s discomfort, “Yeah, kinda crazy, but I’ve had crazier,” Josh got up to leave.

“I have to go or Brendon will break something,” he paused, “Well It was nice, umm, talking,” Josh murmured awkwardly, then left before Tyler could say anything.

Not that Tyler would have been able to form sentences correctly at the moment.

What just happened?

…

Josh was a fucking idiot.

Why the hell did he talk to Tyler? And he talked like they were friends, which they definitely weren’t. Josh wanted Tyler to stay as far away from him as possible.

But nooo, Tyler just had to bring up music and fuck up Josh’s brain. Thankfully Brendon called and saved him from the trance Tyler put him in or he might have actually done something stupid, like ask about Tyler’s favorite music and getting to know him. That was just dangerous. 

If Josh had been talked to by someone besides Brendon in the past 8 months,well someone who wasn’t trying to get in his pants or murder him, he might have been able to resist the temptation of talking to him. Bren was awesome and everything, but a lot of their interests were different and conversation could go bad easily. Most of the time Josh just let Brendon fill the silence with useless chatter, they never had a really deep conversation about anything. To be honest, Josh didn’t really know a lot about Brendon’s personal life, he could only go off of what he sees. He had no idea where Brendon’s commitment issues came from, where he picked up smoking from, Josh didn’t even know why Brendon allows him to stay with him. Josh was just as bad, Brendon dosen’t even know Josh’s perspective on last year, only what he’s heard and Josh wasn’t going to change that anytime soon. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Bren, he just didn’t feel like it would do either of them any good. 

Tyler seemed like he wanted to have a deep conversation with someone, to have that sharing of music and dreams and lifes. Josh craved to share his problems with Tyler, to see if he would understand and not see him differently.

Was Josh strong enough to keep pushing Tyler away from him? Was this just a momentary lapse in judgement? Or would Josh be give in completely? Answer Tyler’s questions, let him know what keeps him awake at night?

That was never going to happen. The second Tyler knew everything, he’d think Josh was disgusting, stupid, hateful… he couldn’t allow that. Josh couldn’t have someone close to him again, he was already so damaged, going through something like that again would…

It would kill him. 

...

Tyler slammed his head onto the table in front of him. He had been in the Library for 3 hours now and he was about to give up on life. Mr. Wentz’s stupid assignment was kicking his ass majorly, who cared about a book written hundreds of years ago and made almost no sense? Tyler didn’t that’s for sure. 

Maybe he might have been able to get into it if his mind would quit wandering off. But, with trying to juggle basketball, classes, his social life, and his father, that wasn’t going to happen, especially not after what had happened last week when he had talked to Josh. it wasn’t so much to talking that was distracting Tyler, it was the thoughts that had run through his head while talking to Josh. that one daydream, or rather nightmare, had opened the floodgates in Tyler’s mind and he could stop fantasizing about it. It wasn’t right, but Tyler’s mind didn’t care, it just kept going, driving Tyler completely crazy. 

Not that Jenna was complaining too much, Tyler had been with her as much as possible. He thought maybe if he had sex with her enough the thoughts would turn to her instead of Josh. However, this was not the case. He just started imagining ravishing Josh insteand of Jenna, which was really, really bad because they both started with a J and Josh’s name could slip out so easily if Tyler wasn’t paying attention. 

Tyler wasn’t gay. There was no way he was, he would have known before now if he was, he was 17 for god sakes. Though, Tyler never had any kind of interest in sex or romance before now, he never really thought about it that much. Even when he was with Jenna, it felt more like an obligation to sleep with her and kiss her, like that’s just how it was. Sure sex was nice and everything, but nothing really special.

Even if Tyler was gay, he couldn’t act on it, not ever. 

His father would kill him.

“Hey Tyler!” Tyler jumped in surprise falling out his chair, the new person quickly reached out and grabbed his arm and saved him from falling.

“Easy there, it’s just me,” Tyler looked up to see Ashley smiling down at him.

He smiled back, “what are you doing here?” Tyler asked incredibly surprised to see her here. Ashley was a college student and Travis’s girlfriend Tyler went to the party with. She and Travis had ditched him to have personal time.

“I was with Travis, but he had to leave to do something,” or someone Tyler added in his mind, Travis was a horrible person for cheating on such a sweet girl like Ashley, “I was leaving, then I saw you and decided to say hey, you looked kinda… frustrated,” she sat down next to him.

“You have no idea,” Tyler said with a small chuckle looking back on his previous thought. 

She laughed, “I might have an idea, college lit is hitting me pretty hard right now,” Ashley smirked, “or are you having girl problems?” she said slyly, “anyone dating Jenna would being having problems, or…” she raised her eyebrow, “does it have anything to do with you going home with Josh Dun?”

If Tyler had been drinking something he would have sprayed it all over the table, how did she know about that? She had already left when he had done that, Oh god did that mean Travis knew? It wasn’t like he and Josh had done anything, but just Travis thinking and Josh did something could ruin him.

“Don’t worry, Travis doesn’t know,” she said knowingly, “I found out from a good friend of mine,”

“I’m not gay,” Tyler said without thinking. Well, that wasn’t obvious at all.

“I never said that,” she tapped her finger on the table, “even if you are there’s nothing wrong with that, but if you did so happen to get with Josh, you’d be the first,” Ashley smirked, “that kid has been on the party scene for almost 6 months with Brendon and never once been pulled,” Pulled? What did that even mean? She rolled her eyes, seeing the confusion on Tyler's face, “no one has ever had sex with him at a party, Ryan and I actually have a bet going to when he finally sleeps with someone,”

“Who’s Ryan? What else do you know about Josh?” Tyler felt tons of questions filling his head that overshadowed his worry, What was Josh like at parties? Was he more relaxed? Or was he the same uptight worried kid he was at school? What could he learn from Ashley to get Josh to trust him a little?

“Ryan is a good friend of mine, he’s a freshman from Las Vegas, he came here for college, gay as the Fourth of July. As for Josh,” she smiled evilly, “why do you need to know?”

Tyler panicked a bit, “I-I don’t I was just wondering,” what was he doing? This might actually be the stupidest thing he’s ever done. Why did he ask? Ashley would pick up on it immediately. She could tell everyone. 

Plus, she could tell travis and then the world would crumble around him. This was so dangerous. 

“Here’s my number,” he grabbed one of Tyler’s papers and started to write, “as much as a love old gross mold filled libraries, I gotta go. Let’s get coffee, you look like you could use someone to talk to right now. Plus, I did go here last year and had front row seats to good old Joshies fall from grace,” Ashley got up and started to leave, then before she left the room she said, “and I have a feeling Jenna didn’t tell you the whole story,” 

Then she was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> leave a Kudo if you liked it and leave a comment on what you think! any feedback is greatly appreciated


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it's been a little bit since I've posted, but since the hiatus ended I figured mine should too. I hope this was at least somewhat worth the wait.
> 
> Also, in regards to Jenna and anyone else i might write to be a horrible sounding person, I do not mean any harm by writing this. I love these people and just needed some people like this to tell the story properly. I do not believe these people are anything like i write them.
> 
> Also-Also i rewrote some of the story to make sense, I kinda messed up writing some parts when I wrote this.  
> Now, enjoy.

Josh cautiously walked through the deserted, empty school watching for any hidden assailants that might be there. School had ended over 2 hours ago, but Josh knew he could never be too careful. The second you let your guard down was when they get you. Josh knew after school was both the safest and most dangerous times there was. It was safe because all the students for the most part had gone home, and the ones who were still here were stuck in clubs and assumed Josh was not there. On the other hand there were a lot less bystanders and teachers to keep any assailants at bay. Josh knew that fact all too well.

It had been a full week since Josh found the black composition notebook and it was beginning to drive him insane. He had opened it once, but when he saw the desperate scribings of save me all over the page, he felt like it was a huge breach of privacy to continue reading. But as the days ticked on and Josh had no leads on who this journal belongs to. How was he even supposed to find them anyway? The only person he talked to was Brendon, but there was no way he was letting him see this. 

The less people who knew about this the better.

Josh could only see one way of finding out the owner and that was to open it up and read it. He knew reading this in the open or somewhere he might get caught was not an option, also letting Brendon see him reading it was out the question just because he would know in an instant that it wasn’t ‘pre-cal’.

Knowing no one ever went to the roof, mainly because it was always locked, Josh chose that spot to sit and read. He took the keys from Bren the night before and instead of staying in the band hall and wait for Brendon’s practice to end, he went to the roof. 

After locking the door and wiggling it for good measure, Josh found a spot that was shaded by one of the larger trees on campus. He unzipped his bag eagerly wanting to see the content that lay inside the beaten notebook. Josh then pulled himself back from diving strait in. He was only looking for a name, just the person who this belongs to. Nothing else.

Josh took a deep breath and opened the book to the first page. It took about two seconds for Josh to forget about finding the name begin reading. Much of the other page Josh had seen, this page had words and sentences going in every direction but this page seemed to have much more organization. It didn’t feel as desperate as the ‘save me’ page, there was no tears in the page from the pen ripping through and there were actually coherent thoughts here. While it was impossible to understand what went where, certain parts were circled and connected to others. Small drawn flowers filled the pages where ever there was room for them, seeming to fill the empty space.

He continued, finding a few pages later the thoughts from the last few pages all put in order with cords written by each. He remembered how his mother’s church music would look a lot like this, except this was far from something he’d ever see his mother sing. The words blended into one another seamlessly and really made a heavy impact.

The word ‘Drown’ was darkened at the top of the page, Josh ran his fingers over one beautiful small flowers drawn into open white space between lyrics. Even with the addition of the flowers, This was some really dark stuff. It only left more questions, what was this song about? Josh got the general idea, but was it talking of God? Years in the church made his mind instantly see the parallels, but some parts of the song pointed to something different. ‘Maybe someone close to them died?’ Josh’s mind supplied, that would explain the flowers maybe. Or the writer could have just gotten bored and drew them there, though this person didn’t seem like they would do something for no reason. 

Ugh, he’d need to talk to the writer to get the context. It urged him to continue reading.

The next 5 pages looked a lot like the first ones, a mess of lyrics and scribbles. The only difference is the pages had a ton more words, there was even what seemed to be a full verse of the song written at once without diverging to write something else. After getting to the page where the song’s final draft was written Josh read ‘Blasphemy’. The title was fitting, unlike the last song this one seemed to resonate within Josh. He could relate more to it than the last one. While Josh had never truly lost someone (at least none of them died) The song spoke to the near constant fear Josh had dealt with, the anxieties that had their greedy hands around Josh’s throat for years. Trying for years to keep secrets, play down any doubts or fears he might have, hiding behind masks made of fake smiles and half truths, it had been a tough balancing act. One act Josh was happy came to an end, no matter how bad the end had been. Josh felt himself once again wishing he knew the writer, at least to tell them they aren’t alone. He continued to read on. 

Josh knew just about every person at this school, no one he went to school with matched these words. No one even came close to being this… dark, it was the only word he could think of to match the music. Though, Josh knew how easy it was to fool people, he could have easily overlooked it while he himself was fooling people. After everything happened Josh tried not to pay attention to others, others just get you hurt. Even knowing that finding this person and trying to talk to them went against every rule Josh had set for himself, he knew the risk was worth it. He needed to at least be able to return it back to the owner.

He just hoped this didn’t blow up in to a catastrophe.

…

Tyler fiddled with the rubber bands around his wrists as he waited at the coffee house table. He had texted Ashley a couple of hours ago accepting her offer to talk. She of course replied instantly with a ‘well that didn’t take long’ and told him she would come get him and take them somewhere they could talk. So right after school let out she grabbed Tyler and spun out of the parking lot and off to somewhere unknown. She kept the music in the car loud, preventing him from talking to her, though she would look over to Tyler occanally and smile putting him more at ease. She stopped outside a small coffee shop that sat between an old corner drugstore and a bike shop, if she hadn’t pointed it out Tyler would have missed it completely missed it. When they made their way inside the barista greeted Ashley warmly, she obviously came here often. She sent Tyler to a table to wait as she got their drink.

And here he was, still waiting. He was sitting on so many questions, what was Josh like before last year happened? Why was he so closed off? Why did he ditch his family? But most of all what happened to make him like this?

After what felt like years she grabbed their cups off the counter and walked to the table. The moment Ashley sat down she started, knowing if she didn’t speak now Tyler would spew out question after question, “So, I’m going to tell you what I know of last year. You are to stay quiet until I finish or we will be here all night, capish?” she raised an eyebrow at Tyler and he nodded quickly. It felt like he’d had been waiting a year and a half to finally get this story.

“Good. Now,” she took a small sip of her drink and began “so Josh was born and raised in the church, his father was the minister and his mother ran the choir and praise band. The entirety of the time I had known him, he was the golden boy. He was quite popular and had friends in just about every group in the school, though he mainly hung out with his church friends,” 

“Everything was awesome for him. Teacher’s loved him, his parent’s loved him, just about anyone he was around loved him. There was quite a few girls after him as well, but he always turned them down saying his father didn’t allow him to date. Whether that was a lie to cover up the whole gay thing or his parents were actually that strict I’m not for sure.” Tyler was completely focused on Ashley, soaking in every word she said. 

“So, I’ll be honest with you right now the next part of this had to different stories, and I have a feeling I know what happened but it’s mostly pieces i’ve drawn together from a LOT of digging. Andrew Williams, one of the starters for the basketball team and fellow church member, and Josh Dun started to date in secret.” She smiled sadly and mixed her drink with a wooden stirrer stick, “while I think they might have worked out had the situation been different, The whole relationship was destined for failure though”

“Why?” Tyler couldn’t help but ask. He knew Josh couldn’t force anyone to do anything, he just didn’t seem like he could do it. When Josh wasn’t putting up walls of ice he was really nice. Jenna had tried to convince Tyler that Josh manipulated Andrew into being gay.

“Well not only were they surrounded by a lot of very homophobic people at school and at home, but Andrew was already in a relationship,” Tyler had to hold back a gasp. So not only were they hiding a gay relationship from everyone, but Andrew was cheating on his girlfriend with Josh. “oh you haven’t even heard the best part yet, guess who the girl was?” she smiled wickedly, tyler just looked confused, was he supposed to know this?

“None other then the queen bitch herself, Jenna Black,” Tyler felt as if he should get offended over the name Ashley used for Jenna, he was dating her after all, but he was to distracted with all the new information.

“Now this is where things start to get messy,” she said with no humor, breaking Tyler out of his thoughts, “somehow, near the end of the year, a picture of Drew and Josh making out under the in the locker room got sent to Jenna’s phone, she got beyond pissed and told everyone how much of an ass hole Josh was. Unfortunately it didn’t stop there, Drew apparently didn’t want people to think he was gay so him and his buddies came up with a brilliant plan,” her voice held nothing but resentment, “I don’t know what exactly happened, but less then 24 hours after this picture got released not only was everything pinned on Josh, but Josh somehow got put in the hospital for three days from injuries. I heard Drew’s friends boast about how they kicked the shit out of him, and Drew had been there. Josh is by no means weak, but he didn’t stand a chance against 5 guys,” She sighed, and just looked into her coffee cup. “He refused to say who attacked him, so no one got any kind of punishment for this, why he didn’t say anything is a mystery. Then two days after that me and Drew graduated… while Josh was still in the hospital” she took a long drink.

“That horrible,” Tyler thought back to different things Josh had said in the past, all the times Josh told him to leave him alone and go away, this was why. Even when Tyler was drunk and talked about the color blue josh had said ‘I’d much rather be cold then anything else, though loney is more safe’, he was speaking through experience. Tyler couldn’t imagine the whole school loving you one day and the next you get sent to the hospital by your classmates. 

“Wait what about him disowning his family? What happened with that?” Tyler looked up to see Ashley’s confused face.

“Josh loved his family dearly, there is no way he would willingly disown them. I’m quite sure his family told him to get out, his father is a fire and brimstone preacher there is no way he would allow a gay son,” Ashley spit angrily, “I don’t actually know what happened with his family, but I know for a fact he didn’t want to leave them,”

Tyler sat back and tried to recollect his thoughts. So Drew cheated on Jenna with Josh, then Jenna got angry and got everyone to hate Josh. Drew was afraid of the backlash of being gay he got Josh hospitalized with his buddies help. Now Josh didn’t trust anyone but Brendon.

“Wait how does Brendon Urie fit into this?” Tyler scrunched his eyebrows in thought, he was somehow roped into all this.

“Brendon was the one that found Josh and called for an ambulance, during one of his drunk rambling at one of spencer’s parties he said he found Josh in a pool of his own blood, completely unconscious. Apparently they broke his nose and gave him a concussion, among other things. Brendon stayed with him and offered him a place to stay. He really is the silver lining in all this, no questions asked he invited Josh to live with him, Brendon’s family is a lot more open than most around here and had no problem taking in Josh. I’m pretty sure after dealing with Brendon Josh has been a fresh breath of air,” Ashley continued to talk about something but Tyler got lost in his own head. How did all the others he went to school with see this as okay?! Josh had been hospitalized for 3 days! They were all lucky he didn’t die on that floor, they could be in prison for murder. Tyler felt like leaving here right now and finding Josh and just apologizing for everything he had to endure, even now that day was haunting him. People called him out for no reason while he made his way to and from class, in the lunch room, even in lectures. He hadn’t hurt anyone, not really. No one deserves this. Esspecally someone as nice as Josh.

They continued to talk for awhile, about some of the details she had picked up on while snooping around for answers. They slowly drifted to having a conversation about nothing in particular, simply enjoying each others presents. Two more cups of coffee and a shared blueberry muffin later they were ready to leave. 

While driving Tyler home, instead of the loud rock music that had accompanied the ride just a couple hours ago, the ride had fallen into a contemplative silent. Both occupants of the car were stuck in their own thoughts. Tyler rubbed his rubber banded wrist, his nerves were starting to fray as his mind thought back on everything he’d learned. A lot of what Josh did was starting to make sense, the angry outbursts and cold composure was just a defence to assure his own safety. The reason his eyes were scared instead of burning with the anger he was trying to display, he was terrified of other people shattering what he had left. Tyler wanted to help so badly, he just had no idea what he could do.

“I know you-” Ashley’s voice startled Tyler out of his thoughts, she paused to find the right words to continue “I know you’re probably struggling with a lot of this, and you don’t have to answer this question if you don’t want too, but,” she turned her head from the road to Tyler’s face, “do you like Josh?” she gave a small laugh, “I mean obviously you like him enough to want to know and help him, but how deep does this go?” 

Tyler looked away from her to stare out the window, his hands moved from rubbing his wrist to pulling slightly at the bands, “It doesn’t matter whether I’m ‘deep’ or not. Nothing could ever happen between us,” he words wavered. There was so many reasons that couldn’t happen. Learning about Josh was more safe than actually talking to him, Tyler knew he wouldn’t want to stop himself if Josh was around. Besides the repercussions of what would happen if the school found out, If Tyler were to ever get involved with Josh and his father found out, Tyler would be in the ground within a week of his father knowing. His dad would lose what’s left of his mind. As much as Tyler wanted to help, he knew he couldn’t “There’s hundreds of reasons it can never happen,”

Ashley sat silently beside him, when he turned to look at her she just smiled sadly, “well, I guess you just have to think about how important these reasons truly are to you,” the car slowly came to a stop in front of Tyler’s house.

Tyler turned and gripped Ashley’s hands softly, “thank you for this,” he hoped the sincerity showed.

“I didn’t do anything when all this happened. I hope I was able to help Josh in some way with this, he really does deserve it,” she turned her hand around to hold tyler’s hand properly. They looked at each other and gave matching watery smiles. At least Tyler wasn’t completely alone in all this, she was willing to help in anyway she could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tell me what you think in the comments. Thanks for sticking with this one.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: THIS IS A HEAVY CHAPTER, PLEASE READ ALL THE TAGS.
> 
> This chapter contains implied child molestation, while this chapter does not go into what happened, it is shown how much it can effect someone.
> 
> If you have any indication of being triggered, please do not read the rest of this story. While this is not the main story, it is an important subplot what will be brought up again, though it will not be heavily explained.
> 
> Stay safe |-/

Brendon has never been known as a smart man. He’s reckless, impulsive and childish… but god damn does he live life to the fullest. While most his bad decisions he made were while he was drunk, there were a few exceptions. Deciding to skateboard blindfolded, having hot dog eating contest with a guy in a skirt, telling a girl that ‘yes that dress does in fact make you look fat’, these were at the top of the list. He didn’t regret a single fucking one. 

This was about to be one of thoses bad decisions.

Brendon was walking lazily around the school’s science building headed to the music lab, when he heard voices talking to one another. Now Brendon usually wouldn’t care whether people lived or died in this school, but the voices he heard was belonging to two people of interest. 

“I don’t get why this is a problem to you,” Jenna’s voice seemed more shrill than normal, sounding annoyed.

“It’s wrong Jen, no one deserves that. How would you feel if everyone was doing that to you?” Tyler stood in front of her as she leaned against the brick wall, arms crossed angerlily. 

“But I haven’t done anything to deserve it, he has. End of story,” she hissed, “I’m not disgusting like that,”

Were they talking about Josh? Jenna tended to keep that word exclusively for when she antagonized or talked about Josh. Tyler seemed very much against the whole thing, telling her Josh was not the scum of the earth, well at least the kid had some redeeming qualities. Brendon thought about his options for a moment from behind the dumpster separating him from fighting couple. He could sit here and listen to their whole conversation, possibly get blackmail on either Jenna or Tyler. Or he could turn around, forget hearing the two and go work on his music like normal.

“It’s not like he even has feeling or anything, he doesn't even fight back at all,” she snickered “Maybe he knows he deserves it, that's why he’s always such a pussy about it,” 

Another idea came into his head - a much more stupid option. He could casually walk passed, get insulted by Jenna then completely tear her to pieces. She was incredibly boring in that Brendon knew exactly what she would do, but having a chance to deflate her massive ego would be amazing. Maybe he’d even get the chance to throw some shade at Tyler too. The smart move would be to stay out of this completely and leave - 

But Brendon wasn’t know for making smart decisions. 

“I just don’t understand - “ Tyler stopped mid sentence once he saw Brendon walking closer to them, doing a double take once he realized it was Brendon and not some random student. 

Jenna turned up her nose, she definitely took the bait, “why didn’t you walk around the building? Can’t you see we're talking here?” she turned back to Tyler, “stupid idiot,”

“It’s a fucking sidewalk, if you wanted privacy here might not be the best idea,” Brendon said dryly. Her eye’s cut to Brendon, not expecting him to have a response, “Tyler, your girls a fucking bitch you know that right?” he grinned, watching as Tyler scrambled to find what to say.

Jenna beat him to it, “Your just jealous I’m dating Tyler and not you,”

“All offence intended, But if I were to ever date you I think I might swear of women all together,” he raised his eyebrow, “I wouldn’t be the first,”

Brendon wished he would have had a camera to take a picture of Jenna’s face at that moment, mouth hanging open, eyes wide. She recovered quickly and smacked Tyler, who looked like he wanted to be anywhere else than here, “Fucking say something!”

Tyler looked from Brendon to Jenna and back again, “Umm Bren… could you please leave?” his voice wasn’t exactly intimidating.

Brendon almost broke down laughing, Only one thing stopped him, “Don’t call me Bren, only my friends call me that,” his voice was sharp, but not as sharp as when he talked to Jenna. Tyler really didn’t deserve Brendon’s fury.

“That’s all you had to say ‘please leave’?” Jenna scolded Tyler, making it look like a mother scolding her child, “and why do you know what his friends call him? He’s only friend is Josh,” 

Tyler looked paled, But he tried to shrug it off, “His name is Brendon, Bren is just a quick nickname anyone could come up with,” Jenna seemed to have bought the obvious lie, ignoring his discomfort and turned her attentions back to Brendon.

“He’s probably a faggot just like Josh, the’re both fucking disgusting together.” Tyler didn’t respond, he just shuffled his feet awkwardly.

“The only thing disgusting here is you, I’m quite sure you’ve been passed around the school more than any slut here. But I’m sure you’ve told Tyler here all about who you’ve slept with right?” he nudged Tyler’s shoulder, who just paled even more. Brendon didn’t stop, “Do you think daddy has to do with that? How long has it been since you’ve seen him?” somewhere deep down he knew what he was saying was wrong. Brendon didn’t know much about Jenna’s dad except that her mom kicked him out years ago, but since then she had become the mega bitch of the school.

“Shut up, he has nothing to do with this” her face was flushed red in anger. That pissed her off big time, ‘big daddy issues’ was placed on Brendon’s list of ways to get back at Jenna.

“I’m pretty sure the only reason you don't like Josh has nothing to do with the fact he’s gay, it because you never got a chance to fuck him before you outed him to the whole school. You were angry he didn’t want you,”

“I would never go near him,”

“Don’t lie, everyone knew you wanted Josh but you kept getting rejected. I think you might have just been jealous when you found out Drew and Josh were messing around behind your back. It should have been you right?” 

“I might have liked him before all this, but I saw his true colors that day,” Jenna starred definitely at Brendon, “he manipulated my boyfriend, I just made the score even. Everyone deserves to know what a horrible person he is,” 

“I think it’s really funny that the only person at fault in your mind is Josh. did it ever occur to you that Andrew was the one manipulating you and Josh? When all this happened you both blamed Josh, then he never got a chance to even defend himself before he got fucking hospitalized by your ex and his friends,” Brendon’s voice was unwavering and filled with pent up rage. He didn’t give himself the chance to feel bad about how she looked like she was about to break, she should hurt just as much a Josh did, “But no, you and Drew were just victims,” 

“N-No one knows who attacked Josh,” she stammered out, “not even Josh, he said so himself”

“That’s bullshit and you know it, that boy was far too loyal for his own good. If you honestly believe Andrew had nothing to do with that attack then your more of a stupid bitch then I thought you were,”

Jenna eyes started watering with angry tears “He would never hurt anyone! He loved me and would have never cheated on me had he been in his right head! Josh just fucked his mind up! I did nothing wrong!” she yelled and pushed Brendon back with both hands, causing him to stumble slightly. Tyler, finally deciding he should step in, grabbed Jenna before she could attack again. She squirmed in Tyler’s arms Trying to reach Brendon. 

“Wow you really are fucked up. Not just a complete slut, but one who won’t take responsibility for her actions. Or maybe your just so use to lying to yourself about how disgusting you really feel that it’s just second nature. You can’t get to the one who made you feel so dirty and used, so you put all that hate you have for that man and push it on Josh,” Brendon didn’t even know where the words were coming from or how exactly he was drawing these conclusions, but he knew he was right from the look she gave him. She looked hurt, hands going to her ears to protect them from Brendons words

“No matter how many guys you fuck that feeling is never going to go away- You're still that scared girl you were before. It’s pathetic,” Her knees buckled and she fell to the ground, tears streaming down her face. Tyler followed after her, trying his best to console her.

“Brendon, stop,” Tyler said voice surprisingly loud, cutting off brendon’s cutting words, “that’s enough. You’ve done enough,” Tyler then turned back to holding Jenna.

Tyler’s words made the angry haze that was in Brendon’s mind clear. Jenna was now sobbing into Tyler’s shoulder, she was a complete mess. Brendon reached up to wipe his cheek to find hot tears rolling down. When had he started crying?

“I’m sorry,” Brendon murmured looking at the shattered girl in front of him. He’d done that, he’d hurt her like that.

“Leave,” Brendon didn’t need to see Tyler’s face to know he was angry, and from what Brendon had seen, Tyler didn’t get angry often.

Without another word Brendon turned and left, he ran to his car and locked himself in feeling more tears stream down his face. Before he knew what he was doing he pulled out his phone and pressed the call button.

“Hey there sugar plum, I was starting to think you weren’t going to call,” a sultry voice came through the speaker. 

Brendon pulled himself together enough to respond “well, I figured now was as good a time as any to lose myself in you again,” the line wasn’t his best work, but he at least sounded like he was okay and not a fucking mess.

 

“Mmmm you wanna come over? Sex on a piano is hot, but I think my bed is way more comfortable,”

Brendon got the address and drove hazardously all the way there. Hopefully Ryan wouldn’t question too much, he was not in the mood to talk, he’d already said too much today. 

Brendon finally made it to Ryan’s apartment and took a deep breath before the door opened.

“Hey there sex-y” Ryan’s voice faulted at the Y in ‘sexy’ when he saw Brendon. His eyes were eye’s red and puffy, face blotchy and his hair was a mess from his hands running through it so many times. “Are you okay?” Ryan asked, confused.

Brendon didn’t answer, he only walked inside and pushed Ryan against the wall, kicking the door closed. Before Ryan could do anything Bren covered his lips with his own, teeth clicked from the force and a hand snaked its way into the older boy’s hair. In an instant Brendon twisted the two of them around to where his back was flush against the wall. Ryan took the hint and took control of the kiss, pushing Brendon’s arms above his head holding them there with one hand and using the other to sneak up Brendon’s shirt and feel the soft skin that lay underneath. 

After a few more kisses Ryan pulled back, face serious “this won’t fix whatever is wrong right now,” 

Brendon closed his eyes for a moment before he spoke, “I don’t want to be fixed right now, I just want you to fuck me until I can’t see straight,”

Ryan gave a sad smile and nodded, “Okay,”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys enjoyed that chapter! I want to make sure I make everyone in this story feels like a well rounded character, while Tyler and Josh are the main focus, I want to add body to everyone. Plus, everyone likes a good helping of angst!

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me in the comments what you think!


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